Dating Daycare
Welcome to "Dating Daycare," the ultimate safe space for women navigating the unpredictable world of modern dating. Join hosts Melissa Firpo and Allison Waterman as they dish out candid advice, share hilarious anecdotes, and tackle the toughest dating dilemmas faced by women today.
In a dating landscape filled with frogs disguised as princes and a jungle of jerks, Melissa and Allison offer a nurturing haven where women can laugh, learn, and empower each other to find love on their own terms. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, from disastrous first dates to navigating online profiles, "Dating Daycare" covers it all with wit, wisdom, and plenty of wine.
With Melissa's no-nonsense approach and Allison's comedic charm, each episode feels like a heart-to-heart chat with your best girlfriends over brunch. Whether you're swiping left or swiping right, "Dating Daycare" is your go-to guide for surviving and thriving in the wild world of modern romance.
So grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and join Melissa and Allison as they navigate the highs, lows, and hilarities of dating life. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, everyone could use a little TLC from "Dating Daycare.
Dating Daycare
Guest Interview: Brenda. Trusting Your Gut: From Lazy Daters to Double Lives in the World of Online Dating
Ever wondered if your instincts can save you from a dating disaster? Join us as Brenda recounts her early adventures on Match.com, revealing the crucial lessons she learned from a "lazy dater" who preferred last-minute cancellations and less-than-impressive venues. Her story is a testament to the power of trusting your gut and avoiding potential heartache by recognizing red flags early in the game. We navigate the pitfalls of becoming an accidental pen pal and discuss the importance of setting boundaries and standards in the ever-evolving world of online dating.
The episode doesn't shy away from exploring the darker side of digital romance, either. We tackle the raw emotions of deceit and betrayal, brought to life by a tale of a man living a double life, eventually uncovered by his wife. Brenda helps us unpack the feelings of embarrassment and anger that accompany such revelations, underscoring the necessity for honesty and transparency in relationships. But it's not all cautionary tales—we also celebrate the hope and potential for genuine connections through dating apps. We emphasize authenticity, especially for single parents navigating post-divorce dating challenges and the balancing act of prioritizing children's needs. So tune in for insights and advice on making meaningful connections amidst the chaos of online dating.
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Welcome to Dating Daycare, where we help you navigate through the jungle of jerks. Ladies, my name is Melissa, I'm Allison and today is one of my favorite. I love these episodes, allison, these episodes. We have real women telling their real stories, and today we have Brenda Welcome.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:You're welcome.
Speaker 3:We're very excited to share your story.
Speaker 1:So we are going to have Allison's a pro at this. The dating app.
Speaker 2:The dating apps, the dating website, yes, so this is a scenario today Brenda's going to tell her experience from dating apps?
Speaker 1:Yes, I am. Which she's been on for quite some time.
Speaker 3:Yes, I have, and I've learned a lot too.
Speaker 1:Yes, Well, please tell us, so we can learn all those red flags Sure.
Speaker 2:I'll set the scene.
Speaker 1:Yes, we could learn all those red flags.
Speaker 3:And ladies, listen closely because we are going to give you great advice of the things to watch out for. Yes, and always trust your gut. Yes, number one well, um, it was 2004, it was a breezy fall day. So I was recently separated from my husband and I gave it a few months to kind of regroup and I said you know, let me see what this matchcom thing is. I was still fairly new to the internet scene and you know, I see I come across this guy handsome in a tuxedo. So we start with the nonsense of you know, winking. You know just a lot of winking, back and forth, back and forth, no conversation. Then we started to email a bit and but he was always hesitant on scheduling a date with me and this went on for about a month or two. Finally, like, what are we doing here? Right, are we going to go out or no?
Speaker 1:So we see that a lot. We see that a lot. Ladies, you write into us all the time and we've done plenty of fishbowls where these men, you become a pen pal.
Speaker 2:Also just to backtrack 2004,. That was pre-app, so that was just the old-fashioned dating website, so the way that we know online dating to be now. That wasn't it so there was kind of more of a an email thing where it would be normal to have a little bit more of a prolonged online courtship, which was normal, but a month is kind of excessive yeah, right, you could always call on a phone and do email right. There were phones back in 2004.
Speaker 1:They were playing the game back then also so don't worry. Where there's a match app. What dating thing. There's a game?
Speaker 3:Right, so okay, this was matchcom the website, but not an app.
Speaker 1:I remember that when it first came out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so we were going through all that nonsense. And I'm came out, yeah, yeah and uh, so we were going through all that nonsense and I'm like what are you doing? Right, let's go right, I don't have a whole day here you know, if you don't want to meet me, fine, I'm moving on. And then he's like oh, okay, um, you know, I'm a lazy dater. That's what he said. I'm like lazy dater.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, admitted to that, right, that's amazing but you know, when I thought about it years later, I'm like oh, yeah, never do that again yeah. Now I understand what he meant by a lazy dater, but I said, yeah, let's meet. So we did finally, and you know we had some chemistry. Where did he take you? I'm curious we met. That's funny. We met in Huntington and it was a real dive bar. I probably know it. It was across from Huntington, I wouldn't know. I know exactly the one. I think it started with a.
Speaker 2:C yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about it was disgusting.
Speaker 1:And he suggested you go there. I don't know, I think he just randomly walked into you're talking. It was disgusting, oh, and he suggested you go there.
Speaker 3:I don't know, I think he just like he, just randomly walked into.
Speaker 2:No, no, it wasn't that, but I, I know yeah it was worse than that it was worse.
Speaker 3:Yes, it was worse than that uh, so I think he randomly picked the place because he wasn't too familiar with, okay, huntington or even long island, because he really is from pittsburgh, pennsylvania, which we'll get into, okay, yeah, um. So yeah, we went there and, uh, you know, he drank a lot too, which should have been a red flag ladies should have paid attention to that and then um and the place that he was comfortable walking into and having a drink at.
Speaker 1:Because, that's my like if I walked in. I wouldn't even have anything to drink in that place, right, but he was comfortable. He had no problem slinging them back in the disgusting bar you definitely won't find a fine wine there.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, chateau Diana. Yes, yes.
Speaker 3:It's a wine product. Yeah, chateau Diana. Yes, yes, it's a wine product, yeah, so yeah. So we started to date and he was very inconsistent, so we would. He would schedule something and then Flake out. Flake out and he kept doing that and doing that. He's like oh well, you know, I got to see my daughter. He said he was divorced.
Speaker 3:He had one daughter who was the same age as my son at the time, which was about two years old, and so he's like I have to go back to Pittsburgh for my visitation, which also happens to be on my weekends most of the time.
Speaker 1:My son never met him.
Speaker 3:Yeah him, yeah so, but he would just disappear a bit and then he would come back and I said what, what's up with this?
Speaker 1:like where do you go?
Speaker 3:yeah, and then he would always like flaking out on me where I felt very alone and I should have listened to that as well like, why is he always flaking out on me, were you?
Speaker 2:official at this point? No, yes.
Speaker 3:You know I was not into like dating multiple people like that. That's not who I was, again, new to this online dating thing and so, yeah, then he was an aerospace engineer. So he had an apartment in east meadow which I've seen, one bedroom in a basement, which red flag, right, right and uh so. And then he would go back home to see his daughter and he said he would stay with his mom and he would complain you know, I'm paying for this huge house there. I don't even live in it, I have to pay all of this child support, you know. Just going on and on and on about it, then he was always finding a reason to go back to Pittsburgh. Then he says, oh, I bought a bar in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2:So wait a minute, he was saying Complaining about finances, yeah.
Speaker 1:Right. So he was saying that his ex-wife, supposedly, and his child were back in Pittsburgh. Yes, and he was in East Meadow because that's where his work was. He moved, so let's say he got divorced, moved from Pittsburgh to East Meadow, which is on Long Island, for anybody that doesn't know where that is. But travels back to Pittsburgh every other weekend to see his daughter.
Speaker 3:Right, exactly Got it. So he was always coming up with excuses to go back there more often, because you know that's where his family was.
Speaker 1:Right, which I mean makes sense. I mean, if your daughter's there and you have every other weekend.
Speaker 3:But then it was starting to be every weekend too, and then I would only see him briefly, like during the week, because it was convenient.
Speaker 1:And you know what I always say, and this is a lesson learned that we've talked about from my past I my ex, had left an ex-wife with two kids in North Carolina and I met him here on Long Island and at first I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. I was like, oh look, he's going back once a month, but now, being a mother and looking at my two kids once a month, 12 times a year, like there's something wrong with that. Ladies, how do you leave your family? How do you leave? There is not one job on this planet that I can't get in California versus Pricksburg, versus Long Island versus Tennessee. If you move me to Tennessee, I could cook there the same way I could cook in Long Island. So the fact that they're moving that far away, that they need hours to get to their children or a plane flight there's something always very off with that and I learned that.
Speaker 3:Well, his excuse for that was he was always chasing the money. You know in the field that he was in aerospace engineering, which you know how many companies are like that.
Speaker 1:I don't even know what he does.
Speaker 3:If you ask me to explain what that is no.
Speaker 1:So right, it's not that regular for somebody to say that's their job, right yeah?
Speaker 3:So okay, fine. Then this whole bar thing came out of left field. I go when did you?
Speaker 1:Like overnight. You bought the bar overnight, Right?
Speaker 3:exactly and he would give me such great detail. You know, oh, there was a fight at the bar. I had to go there and do X, y and Z and then just a lot of it. I go, how are you doing this, right? And you know, and I'm like, hmm, my wheels are starting to turn and I'm like this is just so incredible, like the stories he would come up with. Oh, I have to, I'm going, I have to go to Germany for work.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I'm going on the Tinder swindler. Yeah right, you see that Netflix, oh that was a good one, crazy.
Speaker 3:So he said he had a job interview there In Germany, in Germany. I said, oh boy, okay, good riddance Go, yeah right. Exactly Nice break, yeah. So all these stories and complaining about the child support he's you know paying, and how far into this were you at this point? Maybe six months, okay, you into this. So, um, maybe six months okay. And I was, like you know, I said I'm done, I feel too alone in this relationship, or whatever it is, and he was still on the, the dating site and oh, he was yeah so was I okay, but I wasn't, but I was on there to see if he was yeah, and that's what a lot of women do.
Speaker 3:Yes, you know. And then he would. Now we call it gaslighting. I didn't know what gaslighting was at the time, right, oh, what do you go? I see you're active online and what are you doing? Who are you dating? I was dating no one. First of all, I don't have time for that, right. Who has a mother?
Speaker 1:Especially single mothers. We don't have time for any of that Of a two-year-old, working full time, and I commuted far too.
Speaker 3:I worked in Manhasset at the time. So yeah, right, I have all that time, right, little did. I know that's what he was doing and he was gaslighting me.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:So it was and all these you know. It's funny, even though this is from back, when you said there weren't apps like you explained Allison. The shit is still the same.
Speaker 2:It's all packaged differently now.
Speaker 1:I see women all the time online talking about men that won't initiate the date and become pen pal. The man that you know all these stories can't be seen disappears. That you know, all these stories can't be seen disappears. So all these things, even though the app is different or the way to get to the person is different, it seems like it's all the same. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:The reluctance to meet up is always a bad sign. It's either they're actively with somebody else, or they're just there on the app for validation of some sort. Right, yeah, no intention. Their ego exactly um killed the time. Uh, you know.
Speaker 2:And then this is what he did right, yeah.
Speaker 3:So then, after he said he was going to germany and you were like I don't want to do this well no, I mean, we still continue, because you, of course, he didn't get that job because there was no interview, right, yeah, well, right. So finally, the actually the last straw was it was my sister's 30th surprise birthday party. He was supposed to come. He never met my family, so he decided that he wasn't going to show up. Oh, so he ghosted, he ghosted me, he, in front of my family, so he decided that he wasn't going to show up. Oh, so he ghosted, he ghosted me.
Speaker 1:He in front of my family, which is embarrassing.
Speaker 3:My son wasn't there, Thank God, and otherwise I would not have allowed him to come because I you know, as I said earlier, we've talked about that.
Speaker 2:You know our revolving door.
Speaker 3:We don't want our children to be a part of that. Of course it's confusing. I mean, my son was only two at the time, but still. Yeah still he doesn't have that privilege to meet my child.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't introduce anybody to Mike. There's no reason.
Speaker 3:So yeah, and at that moment I said, okay, I am done, that's it. You embarrassed me, you know, people were expecting you to come.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then he claims oh, it's anxiety, anxiety. I'm like, okay, there's something more going on here, yeah, and I ended it officially. So then I, you know, we went out separate ways wherever he went. I went to Europe for a couple of weeks. Then I came back and I see an email from him Not on Match, because he would email me through regular means. He was never really good on the phone, texting wasn't really a thing. Then, you know, because you know, the flip phone, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I was like oh wow, you know. Ok, how are you? He's like oh, I moved back to Pittsburgh, Really OK, but I'm going to come into town and I want to see you.
Speaker 2:Why are you coming?
Speaker 3:into town, yeah, town. So the next day I see an email from him. I open it up. It's his wife, it's his wife.
Speaker 2:Unbelievable His wife.
Speaker 3:He conveniently left it open his email and she saw it. And she's like hi, this is Ron's wife, chris.
Speaker 1:I was like like okay, now it all makes sense, there's the string that put the whole thing together yes, I had a big aha moment so much, wow, okay, let's talk okay, so what did?
Speaker 3:she say so she goes. So she read all these other emails that we had, so she found everything.
Speaker 3:Everything. And she says listen, I see that you had no idea he was married and I see that you only know about one of his daughters. He has two. Yeah, she goes. We've never been separated, We've always been married. He, yes, he worked in New York. He would come home every weekend, you know, to be with his family, and then early Monday morning or late Sunday night he would drive back to New York. So that's why he was always trying to figure out a way to get back home.
Speaker 1:Right yeah.
Speaker 3:Whether it's he's traveling for a job interview this bar. How exhausting to be able to so exhausting.
Speaker 1:And you know, and he was, did she call you, did the wife, was the wife I mean if that was my husband, I mean she must have been sick to her stomach.
Speaker 3:Yes, so we did speak on the phone and I sent her a picture of his match profile. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Which she at that time probably didn't even know or was even you know what I'm saying, and you had to plunk down a credit card for this and it was like $50 a month.
Speaker 2:Right yeah To find someone else to cheat on your wife. Right yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and obviously she wasn't. How was she not looking at the credit card statement at the?
Speaker 3:time, unless he had a separate, unless right.
Speaker 1:Who knows, maybe it was sent to East Meadow. Well, yeah, it was. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:You know that credit card wasn't being sent to Pittsburgh.
Speaker 3:And you know we really didn't look out at our credit card statements online. I don't even think that was a thing then. Everything was paper.
Speaker 1:I still get mine by paper and I go over a brief, I skim it because you know, I want to know if any.
Speaker 2:but right, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:But obviously that was hidden from her she must have, was she devastated.
Speaker 3:So apparently she confronted him before she even emailed me. So while I'm on the phone with her, I hear him banging on the windows of their house she locked him out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, good for her and the picture he. You know who you are if you live in pittsburgh and you're listening to this. Good for you, yes good for you.
Speaker 3:Yes, definitely so. He used his wedding picture for his profile.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love when they do that Unreal and cut her out of it. Yeah, it was in the tux.
Speaker 3:He told me it was his sister's wedding.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, you know what I don't understand?
Speaker 2:They do this all the time, but I don't understand they do.
Speaker 1:Where is like the guilt? There is none. Where is like the guilt? Like? Where is the guilt?
Speaker 2:I don't understand. It's a sickness. It really is.
Speaker 3:It is a sickness, and you know he knew exactly what situation I was in when I was married. So now you're doing exactly the same bullshit. Yeah, no, regard you know what I think, my feelings, yeah, you know what I think, my feelings, yeah, you know what I think?
Speaker 1:I think these men seek out women who are a little that have been traumatized right and vulnerable ladies, even with dating, when you meet a man that let's say is a narcissist or a cheater, or a liar or married. I really believe they seek out the weak, not the weak. I'm not calling everybody weak, but you've been hurt.
Speaker 2:Someone who's still raw Right.
Speaker 1:Someone that's still raw and they're like. You know what I can get away with this?
Speaker 2:Like the wounded baby bird or wounded dude. They're an easier target. We're a damsel in distress. It's almost like a child predator.
Speaker 1:They always say I was just watching this documentary and they said you know how we pick out the kids? We go to the mothers first. We see how is the mother, lonely, divorced, separated, no man in the house, needing money and that needs somebody to lean on and, oh, this is great a father. They seek out the people that they think they can get away with it, with Absolutely, so.
Speaker 3:That's why.
Speaker 1:He knew your ex-husband and he was like this is perfect.
Speaker 3:I think that he had no intentions of meeting me because of his situation, but then I kind of pushed it. I think he was just passing the time on match.
Speaker 1:But he still had to make that effort. Well, yeah, it was either let you go or jump in and start cheating. Now did she say, if she was ever cheating, was this the first time that she knew of she?
Speaker 3:didn't say, but she did clear up a lot of things for me. I was wondering why he only told me about one daughter, the oldest one. He couldn't tell me about the second one because she was just born around the time that him and I met.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God it would get worse.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it gets worse by the minute, right? So it didn't jive with his timeline that he told Of course not.
Speaker 1:He's divorced. What did he get? A pregnant and then divorced, you know like it doesn't look good. It's not a good look. Was it an?
Speaker 3:oopsie, like we had a brief moment of passion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which some people do. Hey, I've met men that are like oh yeah, you know, I have a kid coming in. Eight months We've been separate. Or that's it Two months old, we've been separated. I go, you are not for me. You need to keep moving to the left, but listen, balls, I'm telling you. The balls.
Speaker 3:Yeah, all right. Never bought a bar, Of course not. She goes what bar? Yeah, right Complete fiction.
Speaker 1:Wow Well he needed an excuse to keep it getting back to Pittsburgh Exactly. And the stories that he would tell me oh my God, I hope she left him. I hope she left him.
Speaker 3:I don't think she left him right away. Because years later he did find me on facebook so and had the balls to message you even again. It's unreal. So he, you know, apparently he was engaged and this, and I was like yeah, lucky her mess and it turns out his children changed their last name to their mother's maiden name well, obviously, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe she threw him out, which would be well good. Well, eventually, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So what a dirtbag. Yeah, really. I mean, that's putting it nicely, and you know what?
Speaker 1:So I always ask this Allison, we always ask this Name. I see them all. Name the immediate red flags, besides trusting your gut that now, if it happened again, you would say, oh nope, bye, I'm out Well.
Speaker 3:First the comment of being a lazy dater. Now I understand why 100%? He's a lazy dater because he was married.
Speaker 1:Right, he had no time to be a great dater. But you know what I give him credit. That's creative. But your situation like I'm a single mom, could I say I'm a lazy giver of sex because I'm exhausted by the end of the night and I'm not going to want to have sex with you five times a week, three times a day, because I'm a single mom.
Speaker 3:That's creative, yeah All right Because he's living a double life. And that kind of explained why he never slept. Poor guy, yeah Right, he, he's living a double life and that kind of explained why he never slept. Poor guy, yeah Right, yeah, he must have Right. So I would get emails in the middle of the night he was a go-getter, oh yeah, Like 3 in the morning, I would see an email come in from him.
Speaker 1:What is going?
Speaker 3:on.
Speaker 1:Why are you emailing me at 3 in the morning? Because he has a couple of. Like I said, moved out of Pennsylvania to East Meadow when his kid was still in Pennsylvania. Ladies and listen, I always say not all because you know I'm going to get 5% of the population. That's like I've been married to a guy for 20 years. I'm not talking about that. I'm saying most men that leave their children in another state to go work in the next state red flag, absolutely, I don't want to be a part of that.
Speaker 2:How about long distance dating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I'm saying, right, like even if they let's say, you know, unless there's some billionaire going on their private jet every week, right. But when you're living in Long Island and still working in Pennsylvania, let's say, or having a.
Speaker 2:I call that a long distance relationship. Unless there's some kind of plan and place where you're like we're going to revisit this in six months.
Speaker 1:Right, or I'm switching from Chase Bank of Tennessee to Chase Bank of Long Island. Right and I just moved here and it's happening in three weeks right right, right, okay, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3:What else? So yeah, that's big thing.
Speaker 2:Um, just uh, yeah, always canceling, ghosting ghosting the first time they ghost, I always say canceling is a big thing, ladies, the minute, the minute you get cancelled date and ghosted red flag give the benefit of the doubt it depends on the situation, but over and over and over again.
Speaker 3:Something's rotten in Pittsburgh and East Meadow it was a big learning experience. Let me tell you that, and here's the other thing.
Speaker 1:Let's just take this for a minute, ladies. Let's say the guy keeps canceling on you and it's true. Let's say it's true. Let's say he was tired when he got home from work. He had a really hard day and he canceled. Then let's say that next time his sister's babysitter canceled and he needed to, you know, babysit his nephew so his sister could go to work. I'm thinking of the best ones. You're not top priority, so move on Either A he doesn't have the time and he shouldn't be dating A lot of times they say some men have no business dating, and that would fall into this category or B you're being benched like a football player and you're just not top priority. So, even if it is true, get away from it.
Speaker 3:Right, exactly, and if a lot of times they're juggling more than one woman and that's why they're canceling, and and if they are okay, yes, give them the benefit of the doubt. Um, but are they rescheduling right away?
Speaker 2:yeah, the rescheduling has to happen.
Speaker 1:Right, right, like okay, I, I can't tonight x, y and z happen tomorrow can we go out tomorrow right, yeah, sure, okay, I'd give the guy one shot at that, yeah, and after the one, cancel another one. Uh-uh, done, no. And now where are you? Because now we know. So this is for all the people that are like Melissa, why don't you give us a happy story? You know, here's your happy story to all our guests. You met your current boyfriend, yes, on a dating app, so we fast forward to apps and he's a great guy. He is fantastic. So tell us how you met.
Speaker 3:Tell us, yep, how you met him Match, match, again the app, the app. Yeah, he is old school Italian, no bullshit. He says what he means, he always follows through, he's thoughtful and it's been over seven years.
Speaker 1:Wow. So now, when you met him on Match, where did you meet up with him?
Speaker 3:At actually the Chop Shop down in Smithtown.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know.
Speaker 3:So we met there because he lived in Hicksville, so that was kind of like, so he took you to a restaurant. Yeah Well, I said to him I go only a drink, I am not breaking bread with you because I you don't know him. Yeah, and to sit through a date, a dinner, a three-course meal, sitting across from someone that you just want to vomit.
Speaker 1:Right. That you're not into, yeah, or that lies about their photo. That you're not into, yeah, or that lies about their photo. Oh yeah, so his photo was All current, all current. Yeah, so that was a good start. I know I always say forget about the date. We were just discussing this. I go. The thing that's crazy to me is you're swiping, you see somebody. You're like oh they're good looking, let me look at their profile. You don't even know if who you're looking at is who you you're really gonna meet up with, unfortunately, but that's the beginning of this.
Speaker 1:First you got to be a pi to even know if this person you're attracted to is today, yesteryear, uh, not even them, their brother, their best friend or a google image, that that. But do you know what I'm?
Speaker 2:trying to say like true, no where when I go out.
Speaker 1:I know it's you. You're standing in front of me, so you gotta to me. I would have to facetime you within within 24 hours if I was on holding up today's papers right, yes, because now with, because now with AI this is crazy. I don't even know about AI. I don't want to know about AI, but another level of PI investigation. But okay, so he was who he said, he was Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Perfect and yeah, we are solid and he's amazing and he is part of my family. That's a long time seven years, yeah of course, yeah, so there was a happy story.
Speaker 1:Now, how many men did you have to go through between that guy and now your current? All from dating apps? Yeah, like Allison over here.
Speaker 3:Well, well, see Allison she's going to tell you how many you have to go through to get to the end of the Candyland game. Hundreds and two were acquaintances through Facebook, and they were nightmares as well, but you know I was turning them over, like you got the hang of it, see, and you know what, and I would imagine that's the healthy way.
Speaker 1:But a lot of women get stuck and years go by and they get stuck in these relationships and half your life passes you by.
Speaker 2:Because they ignore the red flags Right and they come back to bite you, you know sometimes these women and the men enjoy the drama.
Speaker 3:Oh yes, of course that's a toxic, unhealthy. That's another story.
Speaker 1:Right, that's a whole other podcast. Yeah, okay, so seven years going short.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great, we're so happy.
Speaker 3:We're so happy that she ended up on the other side, and if something God forbid should happen to us, I could never go back on the age Now.
Speaker 1:Do you live together? No, Could never go back on the age Now. Do you live together? No, Do you have any plans of getting married or anything like that?
Speaker 3:Well, you know we do have plans to move, retire, Okay, and move to Florida.
Speaker 1:Right, so in about three, four years, but it works for you. You have one son right, he's grown out of the house.
Speaker 3:Yeah right, he's in his 20s, yeah.
Speaker 1:And does his own thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and his girls are older too, and it's easier when you are a certain age, like when I was in my 30s, early 30s, trying to date with young kids. Very hard and a lot of these guys are just getting out of marriages and you know, yeah, they should be single for like three years.
Speaker 2:Don't touch them if they're new, right? No, you know, that's one of my rules.
Speaker 1:We've talked about that, and that's what I admire so much.
Speaker 3:My boyfriend. He took a few years to get through all of that bullshit Right when he knew. Okay, I'm ready. Right and I went wow, there's someone that actually is doing that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did it the right way Because you know what ladies? Here's another thing A lot of these men that get divorced, they're not financially in the position to date either correctly, because they're paying child support and alimony. And guess what? Ladies them and listen and you want either A to go to a fancy restaurant or, you know, go on a vacation or help with your nails. Let's go from the lowest financial you know request to the highest financial request. It doesn't matter which one Guess what. They should be paying child support and alimony. That's coming from a single mom. That should be their main priority. You are second and I'm a single mom. Right, that's who? Probably I would go out there and date right A divorced father who gets it Right. I'm coming in second. He should be paying for his kids and his ex-wife up until a point and not complaining about it either. Absolutely so. A lot of them that are just getting divorced and you're getting involved with them. What financial are they going to be able to even do Lawyer's fees, child support, college?
Speaker 2:alimony sweet 16s. They're not equipped to deal with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but emotionally too, they're going through all that, but financially also. I mean think about that, because I know so many women that write that, oh, my boyfriend, he's getting divorced or in the midst of divorce.
Speaker 3:And then you become their therapist. Another red flag.
Speaker 1:Yes, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Speaker 3:And that is your sole purpose in being in this relationship is to be a therapist for this person.
Speaker 1:Right, it's all not healthy.
Speaker 3:Right, exactly.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that, and we ended on a good note. We ended in a comeback and happy and a great relationship and his family's great, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:They all live in Florida.
Speaker 2:Okay. So yeah, we see them.
Speaker 3:Yeah no, it's good, it's great.
Speaker 1:And the living apart works for you. Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Because you're older, right.
Speaker 1:See, ladies, you don't always have to. You know what? How many times do we say we met a guy, it's going great for a year, you could have done this and we're moving in together.
Speaker 2:No, I think it's great that you live separately.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It probably contributes to the health of the relationship, Absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 3:I don't need him. You know, next to me every 24 hours a day. Because you know we feel secure in our relationship and I think when you have a couple who's not secure, they want to know.
Speaker 2:They need to be on top of each other. Right.
Speaker 3:I need to know where you are.
Speaker 1:No, I think that's a great option, ladies, no matter what age you are. I see a lot of even single mothers or younger typically the younger girl 30s, 20s rushing to move in with these men or having these men move in with them too, soon and then that's a real. Either way, it's a nightmare getting the person out. Yes, you have to go through a whole eviction process.
Speaker 2:In New York, it's a whole thing, yeah.
Speaker 1:But even you know, if they're like, oh, I'm not leaving, or they can't afford an apartment to leave, it's a whole nightmare. So, ladies, stop getting yourselves in these nightmare situations. See, this works perfectly. And then now you know after seven years that you're, you know, probably okay when you move in together that it's going to work. Oh yeah, I mean, anything's possible, but you're more likely now that you've worked out all the kinks.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, I mean, he's my best friend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is great. Yeah, oh, my God, we all wish we find that, don't we?
Speaker 3:We're so happy for you, Brenda. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for coming on our time oh yes, brenda has lots of stories.
Speaker 3:I have so many, unfortunately, yes.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm sure we all do, and that's why we have this podcast because all these women have all these stories and we like to try and help. We're here to help, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you guys.
Speaker 1:And we will see you soon. Yes, and thank you guys for listening.
Speaker 2:Please, we were official, so like Almost. Well, when you're watching this, it will be official, so subscribe.
Speaker 1:Yep Subscribe. Write us Five star reviews, only Five star reviews only and write us and let us know if you have any comments or have any questions. For Brenda, please PM us, dm us and if you're that wife and you're watching us from Pittsburgh, please let us know what happens. And if you left him, we want to know the juice I want to know the juice.
Speaker 3:I wish I had her phone number. I know, oh my God.
Speaker 1:You will be on the podcast next. We want you. Pittsburgh wife on this podcast. We want to hear your side of the story. That would be so interesting. All right, get out your wine and vodka, ladies, we will see you soon. Thank you for watching Dating Daycare and join us again, bye.
