Dating Daycare
Welcome to "Dating Daycare," the ultimate safe space for women navigating the unpredictable world of modern dating. Join hosts Melissa Firpo and Allison Waterman as they dish out candid advice, share hilarious anecdotes, and tackle the toughest dating dilemmas faced by women today.
In a dating landscape filled with frogs disguised as princes and a jungle of jerks, Melissa and Allison offer a nurturing haven where women can laugh, learn, and empower each other to find love on their own terms. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, from disastrous first dates to navigating online profiles, "Dating Daycare" covers it all with wit, wisdom, and plenty of wine.
With Melissa's no-nonsense approach and Allison's comedic charm, each episode feels like a heart-to-heart chat with your best girlfriends over brunch. Whether you're swiping left or swiping right, "Dating Daycare" is your go-to guide for surviving and thriving in the wild world of modern romance.
So grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and join Melissa and Allison as they navigate the highs, lows, and hilarities of dating life. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, everyone could use a little TLC from "Dating Daycare.
Dating Daycare
F'n Fish Bowl of REAL CRAZY DATING STORIES - FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS - Allison's Birthday Bash!
Can casual relationships truly remain free of emotional entanglements, or are they a secret recipe for heartbreak? Join us for a special birthday edition of Dating Daycare as we unwrap the complexities of friends with benefits arrangements. We dive headfirst into a listener's dilemma, where a casual agreement starts to unravel into deeper feelings, bringing to light the often unseen influence of oxytocin. Discover why these arrangements frequently lead to unexpected emotional ties and why it's crucial to rethink them if they have caused heartache in the past.
Celebrate Allison's birthday with us as we tackle the unwritten rulebook of maintaining boundaries in friends with benefits scenarios. We explore behaviors that blur the lines of casual relationships, like constant communication and meeting the family, leading to emotional confusion. Delve into the phenomenon of love bombing and learn how to sidestep mixed signals and misaligned expectations. With honesty and insight, we guide you through navigating the murky waters of casual relationships, emphasizing the importance of clarity, pacing, and recognizing red flags to nurture healthier connections.
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Welcome to Dating Daycare, where we help you navigate through the jungle of jerks. I am Melissa, I'm Allison, and we are here to help you. Ladies, we are back, we are happy to be back, and today is a special day because it is Allison's birthday. Yay, happy birthday, happy birthday.
Speaker 2:Allison.
Speaker 1:You get to do a fishbowl with us. We are going to do a fishbowl today. We're going to do it a little bit differently Today. We're going to try and go off on a little tangent. We're going to pick something out of our fishbowl. For those of you that don't know, we have our nice little fishbowl. For those of you that don't know, we have our nice little fishbowl here where we have a bunch of women's comments, problems, issues at hand questions. They're all organic offline, so I print them out, I fold them up I think they're good discussion pieces put them in our fishbowl so they're real questions from real women we like to help.
Speaker 2:We've had some interesting topics in the past.
Speaker 1:We have. They're always interesting because I print them out and I make sure they're interesting. So we're going to do that today. But then we wanted to get into like a more whole topic so we could go into ghosting, love, bombing, 50-50. We don't know what the question or the fishbowl is going to present us, but we're going to pick something from it and we're going to try and help you avoid those red flags, ladies, and help the person anonymously answer their question.
Speaker 2:Alright, so let's go.
Speaker 1:Some of these are long, so bear with me while I read it. Okay, it is a long one. Okay, you ready? So first I'm going to read the whole thing and then we'll address it where we can. All right, ladies, okay. So anonymous member writes I've been talking to this guy for six months now. At first we both agreed we didn't want a relationship and just wanted to go with the flow, but things have gotten pretty serious. Ah, let's just stop right there. I'm going to stop because this is long and I'd like, rather than go back you know what I'm saying Go back, go forth. Let's just stop and address something where we can address it. So this I want to address this because this drives me nuts Not that it drives me nuts, ladies, but it kind of. Does.
Speaker 1:A lot of women say not all, so don't come at me, okay, because I know I'm going to get the 2% that's going to come at me. Here. A lot of women say they want something casual. We'll call this friends with benefits, because that's what it says. Here.
Speaker 1:We first both agreed we didn't want a relationship, so to me that means friends with benefits at our age Anybody that's older. That is what this gets to. I am going to say tell me if you agree with me, allison, 90% of the women out there are not capable of doing friends with benefits. Once they get to the point that they like a man enough to sleep with them, there come the benefits. Once a woman sleeps with a man not all the time, ladies, so don't come at me 90 to 95% of the time. At first they think they could do it and then, time goes on, they catch feelings for the guy rightfully so, because, I'm sorry, I'm going to have a standard here. If you're sleeping with somebody, you should have some sort of rapport and feelings with them. Men now are capable of sleeping with 100 women a week and going back to their wife. It's inbred in them.
Speaker 2:Well, it's also. It's ingrained in us as well to attach. It's a biological function Correct Of women to we produce oxytocin when we're with someone sexually and whether you even like that guy in the beginning, right?
Speaker 1:Saying oh, I just like this guy a little bit, we'll be friends with benefits. Then you sleep with them in a little bit becomes more so. With this first sentence I'm going to say ladies, just don't do it, use a toy, do something, because 90% of the time, this never ends up well.
Speaker 1:I have very rarely seen women say yeah, I've been friends with benefits with this guy for three years. It's going great. I've had no problem. In fact, I've never seen that. I've never seen friends with benefits with this guy for three years. It's going great, I've had no problem. In fact, I've never seen that. I've never seen this end up well, so I'm going to stop this right there. Women, 90% of the time, are not capable of doing this, so don't try and do it. If you've done it once and failed, ladies, learn your lesson and just don't do it again, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I've, I've. I found a lot of women online in these different groups and stuff, kind of advocating for the stance of being able to sleep with a guy on the first date and it turned into a relationship and they're really kind of loud about it and and I it just, it just doesn't work. You always hear about that one girl who slept with her husband on the first date and they have three kids and a mortgage, right like what I call the 5%, yeah of the population.
Speaker 1:We're not talking about that. And here's another thing that I don't want everybody to get confused on what I'm saying either. When I say friends with benefits, I'm talking about when the male is single and the female is single. I'm not talking about the two people that get together that are both married and no, that's not. And then it worked for them for the last seven years because they're both married and there's no real commitment. No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about when both people are single, meet each other and they both say hey, listen, I'm not looking for anything serious. You're not looking for that. Let's be friends with benefits but have no prior girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, girlfriend, anything like that Two single people.
Speaker 2:Okay. I think women are just lying to themselves. Sometimes they lie to themselves, not only the man saying that they don't want something. If you want something, say you want something.
Speaker 1:Exactly. Oh my God, he's so hot and he told me he's not looking for anything serious. So to get to spend time with him. I'm going to lie to myself when I really am looking for a relationship, but I'll say no, I don't want anything serious either, just so I can spend time with them because I like them so much.
Speaker 2:Not a good idea. You're the last man on the planet, you don't have to go there.
Speaker 1:Like I said, use a freaking toy because, then you have what we're getting to here, okay. So, all right, go with the flow. Okay, things are getting pretty serious. I'd say I've met his kids and his mom. He met my son. We're together almost every night, literally. We go on dates, take our kids to do things. He takes my trash out, lol. So he's doing things for her acts of kindness, right. We've spent my birthday, his birthday, valentine's Day, mother's Day, father's Day together. He even brings his kids over sometimes to spend the night.
Speaker 1:He's been claiming I'm the only one and how much he's in love with me, how much he wants to be with me in the future and have kids of our own. That and the third thing and everything else. He claims he has a lot going on In quotes, correct, and how he's not the man he wants to be yet for me, how he's not financially there yet and that's why he hasn't made it official yet. The past week or two the vibe has just been off Like I just feel like he gets irritated with me quickly. It's just not as loving as it felt in the beginning. He claims it's not me or anything I've done. I know this may sound childish, but I really don't care. He claims All right, wait. I know this may sound childish, okay, but he's been taking his time and replying to my text. Now We've been having a conversation and then two hours he'll finally reply. He's been active online, sharing stuff, replying to comments, while my text is still not answered. I've brought it up and he just seems to be so nonchalant about it. Well, today he said he thinks we're moving too fast and we should slow down.
Speaker 1:Okay, so now let's get to the rest of it. So well, wait, we start. This happens a lot. This happens. I read this so much. So first you started with friends and benefits and then, like we suggested, ladies, you couldn't handle it. And then it starts bothering you because you get insecure All of us right. So you're sleeping with this man. He's spending, taking you out for your birthday, coming over your house. See, now let's go from friends with benefits to this dating procedure. Here is all out of whack, so let's start with dating procedure. Also, If you're friends with benefits, you should not be spending every day with that man. Friends with benefits puts you into a non-relationship category, which means casual.
Speaker 2:Correct. Yeah, you're never. Once you start there, it rarely leads into something substantial, like they put you in that basket, so you're in the whole basket. You're not in the girlfriend, you're in the whore, but you're in the friends with benefits basket.
Speaker 1:He could not think you're a whore, but just the minute things get too tough. I can back away and I have an out. So they put you into the friends with benefits. But then they take advantage.
Speaker 2:See, now this is the problem ladies, she's giving him girlfriend benefits when she's not a girlfriend.
Speaker 1:Right. If you are friends with benefits, you are not seeing the man every day. He is not being invited over to your house to meet your children. He is not coming over to your house for a barbecue. He is not sleeping over your house all night long. You're doing the deed and then he's leaving. You're not introducing family members, tim. These are all things that should not be going on with friends and benefits. So that was a first mistake. So this is showing me she wants more and staying with the friends with benefits lane, but accessing more. A big no-no. A big no-no, because then what happens once you do that, ladies? You get attached. You get fully attached, right, because now this person is becoming like your best friend. And what about talking every day, all day long? That's just no, cut that out. Do you have a job?
Speaker 2:But that's still, and you have children, right.
Speaker 1:That still shouldn't be happening with friends with benefits, no less. That shouldn't even be happening at the beginning of a real relationship, because that's where love bombing comes in.
Speaker 2:Correct, it's not real People. A text, interchange is not doesn't take place of a real face-to-face conversation and time spent. People can get really wrapped up in that. It really should be used Like a pen pal yeah, a pen pal For get really wrapped up in that it really should be used Like a pen pal. Yeah, a pen pal For logistics and setting up actual time.
Speaker 1:Right. So remember that, ladies Also, you don't want a pen pal situation. I see that a lot too, but that's another topic. So now this to me also brought in like a little bit of love bombing stuff. So he said he didn't want anything serious, but meanwhile he's accepting invites to or he's making the dates for birthdays, for Valentine's Day, mother's Day, father's Day.
Speaker 1:So he's taking but that's almost love bombing. Let me take you out for your birthday. Let me give you something for Mother's Day, Let me. Let's go out Father's Day for me. Let me come to your family barbecues. Oh, you want to go to a carnival with your kids? Let me. What did she say? He takes out the garbage. So he's doing stuff, he's coming over the house, and this is all stuff that somebody in a relationship headed towards serious or in serious relationship would be doing. So the fact that she allowed this is a huge problem.
Speaker 2:It's just a waste of time. I mean I'm sounding mean and harsh, but it's just from someone on the outside looking in.
Speaker 1:It's just, it's going nowhere and it's going nowhere fast, but this happens a lot of times. So, ladies, what we're trying to say to you is you have to pace yourself. Well, there is no pacing with friends and benefits. Let's stop that right there. If you have a friends with benefits, there is no pacing, it is strictly friends with benefits on both ends. You don't give more and get less. One person does not give more and get less. You don't get to go out on dates and all these other things. So, and then let's move here to the last part of it.
Speaker 1:So, now that all those extracurricular activities went on, as I'll call them, and obviously she got attached, which happens all the time, if you didn't get attached after you did all those things with the man you're sleeping with, I'm sorry, ladies, there's something wrong with you. There's something wrong. You're either traumatized or have past trauma. Or if you're able to hang out every day and sleep over and everything with these men and not get attached, there's something wrong with you. But let's move past that. She did the right thing, she got attached. She did the wrong thing and she got attached. But now when she's demanding more and a title, he's running away. He's not answering the text messages as quickly, takes him two hours. She sees him on social media answering and on Instagram and doing all these other things.
Speaker 1:Exhausting, it is exhausting. And now when she brought it up because now you know she's insecure because he's backing away and not showing all the love and gratitude and dates and everything she was getting Now when she brings it up he says you know what? I think we're moving too fast and we should slow down.
Speaker 2:He didn't think that when they were sleeping together it wasn't too fast.
Speaker 1:No, but I'm just saying, but now that friends with benefits allows the man, or the woman, for that matter, an out, and here's the out you couldn't say that if you started with a relationship.
Speaker 2:You get the title first and then the other stuff.
Speaker 1:Right Now. Here's his out we're moving too fast. He didn't want a relationship with you. He told you that from the beginning he wanted friends with benefits. Now you caught feelings, you want a relationship. And now he's saying we're moving too fast. And she's sitting there confused with that answer. I get it. I get it Rightfully. So You're confused because, like Allison said, it wasn't moving too fast. Mother's Day, it wasn't moving too fast. When we went to the family barbecue and when you slept over and your kids met my kids, you didn't say isn't that fast? Yes, it is fast, but you crossed the line with the friends with benefits. You should have never been doing those things.
Speaker 2:Just don't do it. It's not worth it. Right, it really isn't.
Speaker 1:No, it isn't worth it, but we want to try and teach them what to do and where they went wrong right, Otherwise they wouldn't be here. I'm sure she doesn't want to be here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'd also say if people don't do this, I really highly encourage people to date more than one person at a time and it doesn't mean you sleep with every single one, just gives you options and you don't find yourself pining over any one person or getting wrapped up in how long they're taking to reply to your texts and all this silly stuff. You know right.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And especially if they say we don't want anything serious, I'm not looking for anything serious, then you definitely should be dating. You should be like, oh, okay, that's cool, and out there dating two or three more guys, and when he says, oh, are you available on Mother's Day? No, I'm not, Because this other guy that actually wants a relationship is taking me out for Mother's Day. You said you don't want anything serious. Why would I go out with you Mother's Day? Why would I take you out? Why would I introduce your kids to my kids?
Speaker 1:Let me get on that topic, because I'm a pro at that. As I always say, ladies, I never and I'm the black sheep here, as usual I will never introduce my children to a man I am dating unless I am engaged or they are moving into my house. So once I decide that which never say never, but that's not something I'm looking for. But let's say it was oh, my God. We've been dating for a year and I think it's time to move in together. That is when I would. He would have to wait a year and six months.
Speaker 2:Not only it's dangerous with all the crazies out there, but once you're done, I get it.
Speaker 1:Some women want to remarry and some women want to move forward with their life.
Speaker 2:No business, no, absolutely.
Speaker 1:But I'm getting into that, but I'm saying the only way a man would meet my kids would be after a year or so he says you know what, let's move in together.
Speaker 1:He would have to wait a year and six months, because then I would first introduce my kids after the topic came up. Because, ladies, your children do not need to get attached to these men. They've already lost their father, right? They already lost him, whether he left, whatever your story is. So they already have some sort of thing inbred in them. Now, with men leaving my dad left, even if you have the perfect relationship with your ex, they don't live at home anymore. Why do these children need to get attached to another man that's going to leave? You better make sure this man is never leaving. Do you know what I'm saying Before you?
Speaker 1:introduce your children. And here's another thing, ladies Any man that is willing to introduce his kids to your kids and have them sleep over, I wouldn't personally take it with a grain of salt. I wouldn't trust those morals and values either. How many other women have these kids met?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And vice versa. How many men have these children met? I have been separated, divorced, whatever you want to call it. If you're not familiar with my story, I was never married with a guy. Seven, eight, nine years, 10 years in all. We separated if you want to call it divorced four years ago. My children have never met a man that I have dated ever. They have not met him at a carnival. They have not met them at the pool because I had nothing. But nope, if I went on a date, they were home with the sitter or the apparel right and that's it. So that was a red flag to me also. The children meeting sleeping over, that's not healthy.
Speaker 1:It's not healthy for everybody. And then your children, when you break up, your children are going to be crushed and not have the adult tools to deal with it. You're upset when you break up with somebody. Imagine how they feel. They lost kid play and now they can't see those kids anymore. They saw them every weekend and and traveled with them and went to Hershey Park and God only knows what. And now you cut off the friendship, not allowed to see them anymore because we're broken up. It's horrible. So, ladies, please don't do that either. That's my two cents, if any. So it was a good fishbowl. So, ladies, we should not see this. Just stay away from that. Friends with benefit, it just never ends well. The men always do this. They always use their out at the end.
Speaker 1:They take all the advantage of all the dates and then, in the end, when you ask for the well, rightfully so they use the out because they put you in the category.
Speaker 2:We're better than this, Absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1:All right, that's our fishbowl for the day ladies, thank you. Thank you for joining us for another fun. Fishbowl fucking fishbowl. Those fishbowls always get you, they always get you. Come back and see us if you have any questions or any comments about our discussion here. We'd love to hear your opinions. Please leave it.
Speaker 2:Share this with a friend. Yeah, PM us.
Speaker 1:Share it with a friend. Share and we will be back. We will be back with fun-filled episodes. Thank you, thank you, bye.
