Dating Daycare
Welcome to "Dating Daycare," the ultimate safe space for women navigating the unpredictable world of modern dating. Join hosts Melissa Firpo and Allison Waterman as they dish out candid advice, share hilarious anecdotes, and tackle the toughest dating dilemmas faced by women today.
In a dating landscape filled with frogs disguised as princes and a jungle of jerks, Melissa and Allison offer a nurturing haven where women can laugh, learn, and empower each other to find love on their own terms. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, from disastrous first dates to navigating online profiles, "Dating Daycare" covers it all with wit, wisdom, and plenty of wine.
With Melissa's no-nonsense approach and Allison's comedic charm, each episode feels like a heart-to-heart chat with your best girlfriends over brunch. Whether you're swiping left or swiping right, "Dating Daycare" is your go-to guide for surviving and thriving in the wild world of modern romance.
So grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and join Melissa and Allison as they navigate the highs, lows, and hilarities of dating life. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, everyone could use a little TLC from "Dating Daycare.
Dating Daycare
PART 1: ESCAPING SHACKLES with Samiha - "The Arranged Marriage From Hell"
Imagine embarking on a journey where the quest for freedom and self-discovery takes you across continents. Listen as we welcome our courageous guest, Samiha, who shares her harrowing yet inspiring story of leaving a domestic violence situation in Pakistan for a new life in America. Her experience sheds light on the cultural and societal challenges faced by women in arranged marriages, underscoring the immense strength needed to break free from oppressive circumstances. Through Samiha's narrative, we explore the concept of women's rights and the profound resilience required to carve out one's own path in the face of adversity.
Our conversation takes a deeper turn as we unravel the complexities of a marriage entangled in lies and manipulation. It’s a personal story of uncovering hidden truths and the struggle for financial independence while facing societal expectations and control. The chapter paints a vivid picture of deception, revealing how easily red flags can be missed, and highlights the determination needed to persevere. From financial control to emotional manipulation, discover the subtle ways in which freedom can be restricted, and the courage it takes to reclaim it.
The episode reaches a poignant climax as we confront the harsh realities of control and financial abuse, particularly following the acquisition of an order of protection. Struggling without resources and support, the immediate aftermath poses significant challenges that test one's resilience and resolve. Yet, in this story of survival, there is a glimmer of hope and determination, showcasing the incredible journey of overcoming significant hurdles. Tune in next week to hear how these challenges are met head-on and witness the strength and triumph that emerge from such trials.
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Hello, ladies and gents. This is Dating Daycare. I am Melissa, and today we are back. So get your wine, get your vodka, get whatever you need. We are going to help you navigate through those jungles of jerks, and we have a great guest on today. I am so, so excited. Today we have Zamiha and she is going to tell us her amazing story of how she came over here. You're from Pakistan originally, right? Yes, hi everyone. Right, yes, hi everyone. And she's going to tell us how she made it out of a domestic violence situation. I see a lot of women on all these Facebook and social media groups and I always see the same thing Even women that aren't in domestic violence yet, they're just in bad, toxic relationships. I see them say but what do I do? How do I get out of it? I'm stuck and this, ladies, is how you get out of it. This is the beacon of hope. Unbelievable story. So let's start at the beginning. Okay, you're from Pakistan, yes, and it's time to the beginning. Okay, you're from Pakistan, yes, and it's time to get married.
Speaker 2:Yes, A little, I would say, backdrop the culture where I come from. There's a lot of girls. I know it was many years ago. I'm pretty sure it's still like that.
Speaker 1:I'm sure it is we're treated as cattle.
Speaker 2:Basically, people come look at you. They will make fun of you, tell you things like I basically I'm talking about myself, I don't know how it is by other people I I'm the oldest one. I had two sisters, so my sisters were the pretty ones. I was fat, I was ugly, I was black was black, I had glasses.
Speaker 1:All the you know, right, the stereotypes type. And so you know what. Women's rights is a big subject now in the media with the election that just went on and everything. So talk about women's rights, right, you know? I mean, this is a perfect example of so all these men come to just kind of visually see you and women too Right.
Speaker 2:It's very like I would say, shocking Women themselves. They don't look at themselves. But if you're a mother of a son, are you coming from like a boy's side? I would say to a girl's family's house Okay, you have to be pretty, you have to be all the fairy tales, everything.
Speaker 1:You have to be perfect, perfect.
Speaker 2:That's right, okay, and there is no perfect.
Speaker 1:No, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:So that's how it started. People kept rejecting me, and you know what it does to your self-esteem, of course. And then, even though my parents, they did love me, but then they're bound by that culture, that family structure. So my mom and dad, kind of I could see the disappointment in their eyes which is horrible. Okay, they're picking the youngest ones.
Speaker 1:To get married right Because it's arranged marriages. So that's how this plays into that. Another huge thing for women's right. You didn't even have the right to pick who you wanted to marry.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's just not a norm. It wasn't at that time. Maybe it's becoming a little now. I have no idea, I haven't been there for so long and I would say I'm glad that my daughter is growing up here. She knows her rights. Yes, she's absolutely beautiful, the most beautiful girl in the world but I'm happy that she's not growing up there like that I love my country, I love my culture, my religion, everything. But there are certain things that people twist it in such a way that it affects of girls specifically right, right.
Speaker 2:We weren't allowed to ride bikes. You can lift your leg up to sit on the motorcycle. You're not allowed outside because you don't have a Right right.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, my gosh you know, in america, you as a woman, your rights are getting taken away. I mean, personally, I kind of always, you know, twist my head a little bit because I, you know, hear stories like this and say I don't think you understand what that you know how in depth. We can go with that right so, and then your mother passed away when you were young. Yes, so now your sisters sort of get married and you're the oldest, you're left, and your father comes up with this great idea as he thought.
Speaker 2:He thought it would be the best thing. I was the only one who never wanted to leave Pakistan, but he's like OK, so here's this proposal. It was my youngest sister's in-laws, like here, say they're safe, are in the family somewhere, and he heard about it and oh, this is this guy from America. He's older guy. They just said older guy. I had no idea how old. You never got a picture.
Speaker 1:You never knew how old he was, nothing but your father's like. I found a guy in America that will marry you, right, that?
Speaker 2:was his.
Speaker 1:That'll take you because you're so hard, right, I mean you're right. So we found this guy. You're going to marry him? Yes, and I guess maybe at first you were probably a little bit nervous but at the same time excited, right? I mean, did you want to come to America?
Speaker 2:I was scared out of my mind. Okay, nervous, because I didn't have any family here.
Speaker 1:You didn't know anybody or anything.
Speaker 2:But my way of getting out of that whole culture situation was like, okay, this is my way out, maybe it'll work.
Speaker 1:Maybe it'll be a good thing. Maybe, right, and how old were you?
Speaker 2:I was 27 at that time.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you got all your stuff together. Yeah, came to America. Yeah, he picked you up at the airport, which that no, he actually traveled there and we came back together.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, yes.
Speaker 1:So you came, so you saw him. Mm-hmm, so you saw him. What did you think? No comments no comments. So you, you, so you.
Speaker 2:Let's just say you were disappointed, you weren't ecstatic, you were more nervous okay, I have a job to be a wife and that's what I'm doing. It's my job. Like there was no heart involved, no emotions, no nothing. I'm just trying to make my dad happy. That okay he's. I don't want him to take anything thinking.
Speaker 1:So your dad was sick at the time? Yes, he was.
Speaker 2:No, he had diabetes and heart issues and other stuff going on, okay.
Speaker 1:And old age. You didn't want to give him any headaches.
Speaker 2:Yes, I don't want him to think that, oh, look what I did. I made a wrong decision. Now she is suffering. The whole time he was alive, eight years after I got married. We talked on, I would say, daily basis, but I kept it very civil. Yes, I'm fine, everything is fine, kids are okay. Send kids pictures there. So he died peaceful, thinking that.
Speaker 1:I was happy, everything was fine, but the reality was something very different.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely 100%, so you came to him at.
Speaker 1:you've got back here, you settled in and what was your first?
Speaker 2:the first shock was like the next day when I woke up. It was a long flight 21 hours and I see a cab outside. He told my dad that he owns pharmacies here. He's a pharmacist, makes a lot of money, blah, blah, blah. And I see a cab outside. I'm like you're taking a cab to work. He goes no, it's for me. And I still in my mind, I didn't realize. I'm like where's your car?
Speaker 1:Right, of course Right.
Speaker 2:Why is a cab out there? He goes I drive that, I'm like. You drive a cab to your pharmacy. He goes no, I drive a cab, I'm like, but you told my dad you're a pharmacist. Oh yeah, you don't need to know. There were some issues. So this is what I do now and in my mind I'm just like mine is going, like what's going on?
Speaker 1:A red flag, as I say, right, Red flag.
Speaker 2:Okay, he's driving a cab. I'm like I don't know what's going on. I had no ideas.
Speaker 1:the laws, the rules, anything I had just gotten here, right.
Speaker 2:You just knew it was different. It was different, yes, so in the beginning it was very controlling. Of course, I didn't know anybody, so even just to go out for a walk, I was nervous. I don't know where I'm going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't know the neighborhood, of course I wasn't allowed to have a phone of my own.
Speaker 2:We just had a landline at that time, Right, and we were in Valley Stream and he was like I will call you whenever I have a cell phone. You don't need the phone. And I'm like I have a kid with me at home. Any emergency, anything, just call me. Whatever, Nothing is going on, blah, blah. There are people downstairs. It was just like you stay home, you don't need to even go to the gas station to get something or anything. I will come, we will go together. Everything very controlled, very specific. The house is stocked up. Whatever you need is in the house, Just you're here.
Speaker 1:Right, you had no car. Yes, you had no cell phone. You were just in the house and at this point, you had one child with him yes, and my oldest, so the child wasn't in school yet. No, you were just kind of being that housewife at home, and then when he would get home, how would he treat you?
Speaker 2:he used to get home late and it was really late, like 2 am and stuff. A couple of times I fell asleep right. He got very upset that I'm working so hard and I come home and the food is not warm and then I'm like it's, I've been taking care of the kid all day long it's two o'clock in the morning right.
Speaker 2:And then even I woke up and I'm suddenly like, trying to get things ready, and he, he's sitting on the couch. I'm like, here's the kitchen, here's the stove, here's the food, warm it up yourself, right. But that typical Pakistani mentality, male mentality, it's like, oh no, you have to serve me. And then comes the sex part. I was never happy about it, never wanted to do it, but again, just like I said, I was doing my job, that all came with it. Then, little by little, I've started learning about things. I found a whole closet filled with paperwork and old videotapes all porno stuff. And then, you know, your mind starts thinking and I'm going who do I ask for help? Who do I even confide in? Who do I even talk to? My sisters? We didn't have that great of a relationship. Plus, they were married already dealing with their stuff I had no friends.
Speaker 1:Further and further in this relationship you realized more and more sort of red flags to try to put together all the puzzle pieces. So what did you find out about why he didn't have the pharmacy anymore?
Speaker 2:There were some. Yes, there were paperwork in that closet that I was cleaning the house. I had nothing else to do, so I'm just deep cleaning the house we rented. He never had a house and there were a lot of paperwork. I read some things, I understood some things, I did in the court technology and all that. But the thing was he was arrested for doing some illegal stuff in his pharmacy with some drugs I don't know the names, I don't know all that, but he was sent to jail. His license was taken away.
Speaker 1:So this is that, and hence why he's driving the cab and he didn't have his, his pharmacy anymore.
Speaker 2:No, he did a long long time ago, but then at that point. So he lied to your father. Yes, which?
Speaker 1:ladies, we know this always happens right with dating men nowadays. They lie, but thankfully you you can find out they lie and get away right. You didn't have that you were. You were already married by the time all of these lies came out. And what kind of like? What kind of father was he not a vet? Was he ever there? Did? He ever was he nice to the children, not nice to the children?
Speaker 2:they just existed. He had four prior kids before me. I was his fifth wife, fifth wife.
Speaker 1:Yes, Now did your dad know that. He knew just about one.
Speaker 2:Okay, so he lied about that too, and they said he was divorced.
Speaker 1:Oh, Jesus Christ. So you know, the minute you find that out, ladies, that you're number five, it's not going to be good right? Oh, yay, yay.
Speaker 2:I remember I went for the interview at the embassy in Pakistan when you get the green card. So the lady she got a translator to translate it to me that you know you're the fifth wife. I'm like I can't understand English. I know what I'm getting into. She was trying to help me that you already know where you're going. I'm like I'm already married lady.
Speaker 1:I help me that you already know where you're going. I'm like, I'm already married lady. I can't Right Like you don't understand. I'm stuck. Yes, but she was trying to help me.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. She thought I didn't understand English.
Speaker 1:Right, of course Right, and she's trying to help you. Yeah, meanwhile, you're like I already know. So he was taking care of all these kids on this taxi.
Speaker 2:No, that's another thing. He wasn't paying child support for one no-transcript One kid. He was paying child support and then he was frustrated all the time. I had the minimum amount. How do I get rid of it?
Speaker 1:Always trying to beat the system. Yeah, I don't want to see him.
Speaker 2:I don't want to. I was like don't you ever miss them? They're your kids, Doesn't? Matter where they come from.
Speaker 1:Of course of course.
Speaker 2:No, I don't want to get into this, I don't want to deal with it.
Speaker 1:So these are all red flags that now that we see. But unfortunately, like I always say, the reason why I think this story, as it goes on, you'll see, is amazing. It's because you didn't have the choice, you didn't have the luxury. So you have kids now with him. You're telling your dad you're fine. You realize all these lies that are coming about from the pharmacy, not being there to him, having five marriages, more kids that you didn't know about. When did the like? What else abusive happens in the relationship?
Speaker 2:So we started, I was tutoring. I started started tutoring through a mosque. We used to go to arabic. I know arabic, I had a master's degree in pakistan, so people, I used to go people's houses and teach girls arabic because they weren't. It was still like it. I'm talking about 20, 22 years ago here in pakistani, typically pakistani community. It was still like it. I'm talking about 20, 22 years ago here in Pakistani, typically Pakistani community. It was still like oh, women come home and they teach you Arabic, especially girls. They don't want them. Now everything is online and, I'm pretty sure, much more advanced everything, but at that time I had like four or five houses that I was going to teach Arabic.
Speaker 1:So you got a job because you were home all day and the kids were in school? No, this I actually was doing after school and I was going to teach Arabic. So you got a job because you were home all day and the kids were in school.
Speaker 2:No, I actually was doing after school and I was dragging my two kids with me everywhere I went because he had to go drive the cab to the city and I was taking them with me teaching Arabic. Then, little by little, they started talking about doing homework help. So I was doing homework help One of the family. They started talking about doing homework help. So I was doing homework help One of the family. They told me about this preschool that's free and my son was of that age at that point, so I went there. We enrolled him. My ex-husband was very happy that it was free. It was a low income for low income families Head Start that's where my son was enrolled. Low-income families Head Start that's where my son was enrolled. They were hiring for a substitute and, of course, I had to ask him for permission and he was like how much money will you be getting? I started with a $12 an hour.
Speaker 1:For me, it was like yay, I'm making money, of course, and you had to help pay the bills, correct?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Because he wasn't making ends meet with this cab driver no, he used to take the tutoring.
Speaker 2:Everything was cash. He's like okay, give me the money, I'll put in the bank. I was not allowed to have a bank account, not even a joint account. I pay the bills.
Speaker 1:Give me the money, okay, you work you come home and, on top of all the other crap that's going on, you hand them over all the paycheck. Okay. That had to get old after a while.
Speaker 2:Yes, I got a job. And then comes the. You know, when you fill out the paperwork, I'm like I need a bank account. They're going to direct deposit. He's like, no, you don't need the direct deposit, let's tell them to send you a check. I will deposit in my bank. I'm like I didn't have enough clothes to wear. Kids were like the whatever the cheapest things we could find. He used to tell me you see those donation boxes, the clothes outside. Go pick something. That's what you're wearing.
Speaker 1:After you worked all week and brought home a paycheck. God forbid you take it and go to Target or Walmart to buy yourself something.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's too expensive, that's too expensive, yeah, go to the donation box.
Speaker 1:Oh my God.
Speaker 2:Okay, meanwhile, in Pakistan we were so rich I've never worn a cloth twice. I was famous in the university. This is the person, the girl who never wears a cloth twice. We had so much Right, we wore it once, gave it to the maids. We had the maids, the chauffeurs, big, huge house, several cars that's where I come from To this, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that you know what that. I always say this too. That's hard. That itself is hard Coming from. You know, I always say it's easy to gain. You know what I mean. Come from nothing and then like winning the lottery. You know what I'm saying. But it's very hard when you have it and then you have to backtrack and you lose it on top of all that other stuff, other stuff going on.
Speaker 2:Yep, it's emotionally draining.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And for you not to call home when your father called and be like Dad Rich an outfit. He's making me go to the. You know what I give you credit for that. That's like I think that's a cultural thing. You know that you just didn't want to disappoint your father and didn't want to make you so far away. You don't want to worry, it's not like he's an hour drive away.
Speaker 1:But let me tell you something personally, ladies I would have been on that phone in 20 seconds. I would have been like Dad, this is bullshit, Like I don't know how you didn't do it. I would have been like he lied, he's been married. Oh, he lied, he's been married. For, oh my God, I would have unraveled everything to my father in two seconds.
Speaker 2:That's a cultural difference. I just feel like he would be so stressed. Yeah, and I didn't want him to get anything else. I know why you did it. But like now turn this around, if it were your daughter?
Speaker 1:If this was your daughter, wouldn't you want her to be like Mom? He's a loser. I hate him. I want to come home, Right, yeah, and you wouldn't want anything else. You wouldn't care. Even if I was sick and on my deathbed, I would want my son or my daughter to call me up and be like Mom. They lied. I'd be like, okay, okay, we'll fix it Right as a mother, Right.
Speaker 2:So as a mother now you can I think even though my mom was from that culture. If my mom was alive at that time, I'm 100% sure she wouldn't have never Let.
Speaker 1:you have even left Pakistan with that, man Never. She would have looked at him and known he was bad. Right, I'm sure she would. You know how we can like look at a guy as we get older and we could be like yeah, no, Mom instinct yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, Okay, so you're working. He's taking your paycheck. How does the abuse, like you know, get me to the point of the abuse is so bad. What was that pivotal moment for you where you were like I'm done with this. Where you were like I'm done with this? Also, we have to mention, too, that not only were you working, bringing home money, but you also said you were you living in a house. That was, and the room was being rented.
Speaker 2:No, that's where the point came that I was making more money than him and half most of his was cash and he was putting it at the bank, paying the rent, whatever. He became lazier and lazier Every time I come home he's laying on the couch, yeah born playing on the TV, me and my little kids running in dirty diapers, of course, right. And I used to get so frustrated Sink full of dishes House a mess, yes, and I'm like, what are you doing? And his response was they're kids, they don't know nothing, right.
Speaker 1:They don't know any better Right Nowadays. The kids would get taken away from him. I know Back then't know any better Right Nowadays the kids would get taken away from him.
Speaker 2:I know, back then it was different it was different, it was very different.
Speaker 1:So you're working all day. He's home laying on the couch watching porn, doing God only knows what else drinking, not taking care of the kids, bathing the kids, nothing. You come home and it's worse off than when you left. So it's like a job after a job after a job, yep. So and I know a lot of women feel that way I just saw something from a woman that posted something very similar and she's like what do I do? And we're all like, well, what is he offering you? What would? How is it? You know, it's supposed to be a partnership, right, a marriage, they say. And this is nowhere near a partnership okay.
Speaker 2:So, and then again he knew that I don't have anywhere to go. That's the controlling factor. It became in my second relationship too, because he knew that I don't have family, no brother, no uncles, nobody's coming to ask, no one's saving you, yeah. So he's like oh, what are you going to say? He already knew. Oh, I know, you're not going to tell your dad, he's already so sick, like why would you do it?
Speaker 1:You haven't done it yet. He's calling your bluff. You know it's like when you keep saying I'm going to say if you cheat on me again, I'm going to leave you, and they're like sure you're not leaving, you're not going anywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Okay. So anyways, in this meantime we had enough saves, so that's another story. We went to look for houses and he's like I want to buy a house. Yes, I want to buy a house. I've been renting because I wasn't married. Now, okay, let's look into houses. Okay, we're looking for houses. He applied for mortgage and the bank is like your income, whatever he shows on paper wasn't enough.
Speaker 1:And a criminal record nonetheless.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. And so he goes okay, what about if we add her income? It wasn't that much, but it was cash. They were like, as long as you prove it, it was cash. Then they were like, as long as you prove it that it's a steady income, turn the books. Yeah, yes. So finally we got approved. And then comes the part where they have to put the name on the deed. He goes no, that the house will be in my name, Of course it will, and the bank is like are you an idiot?
Speaker 2:Like her paperwork, her stuff is there, so her name goes there, thank God for the bank right yes, sure, yes, sure yeah, because he just wanted you to get everything for him. Uh-huh so finally we got the house we living there. Now comes one month, passed by the second month, oh, we can't pay the mortgage. I'm like how the sorry?
Speaker 1:right curse word right, of course. No, you can say it. How the fuck can we not pay the mortgage? I'm working my ass off.
Speaker 2:And then he goes the mortgage is too much, maybe we should rent a room upstairs. I'm like, ok, I'm like we bought this house so the kids have their rooms. Yeah. He's like, oh, the kids are little that we can share, we can be just downstairs. It was one small bedroom and one bigger bedroom. The rest of the bedrooms were upstairs. I'm like, okay, so we rented the two rooms upstairs. That's how I met my second ex-husband. So, anyways, the money was coming in and he started. We started. At this point my father had passed away. It was another emotional, such a devastation that I couldn't. It was hard for me dealing with all that on top of, but I was kind of at a relief knowing that I don't have to please anybody anymore or hide anything or hide anything.
Speaker 2:so I started speaking up and that's where the argument started happening. He used to take my keys away and he did get me another phone once I was able to get the second job, and and but again the phone line is still in his name. All the bills are still in his name. I don't have a credit card. He doesn't want me in anything other than on the deed. Everything else was in his name, so he I'm sorry, I forgot when was I going Take your keys away.
Speaker 2:Yes, take my keys away and phone away. As soon as I get home, those things go away. You do your kitchen stuff in your room, that's it. You're done for the night. You're not going, you're not having friends, can't watch TV Nope.
Speaker 1:Nothing, not a glass of wine, no Chardonnay watching dating daycare, I can tell you that much. Not in that household. Right, I still don't. And you even had said to me that he locked you in the room.
Speaker 2:Yes, Because I had have had arguments like why the hell I am not able to do this, this, this Now, because I was working at school. So there was a social worker. Sometimes I used to go cry to her and her mind was blown. She was like you're not in Pakistan, what are you talking about? He takes your keys. This is abuse. I'm like huh, right, right. Well, you didn't know. Right, I'm being a wife, I'm taking care of the kids, and she's like absolutely not Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, you don't, you know what you don't know. It's kind of like if I go to the Middle East, I wouldn't know. You know, sometimes as Americans, I've never been, I would love to go to dubai but I've never been. But you hear sometimes, oh, you have to wear the burqa, what like you don't know. So if you threw me in the middle of the middle east, I wouldn't know. If someone told me, listen, you can't come out before sunset and you gotta wear a burqka and you're not allowed to drive after two o'clock, I'd be like, all right, I guess you're not allowed. Like how would you know I get it?
Speaker 2:so my father had passed away. We had the house. Now the rent started coming in, so we kind of like hanging on, okay. But then I started getting upset I frustrated yes, like you're down, I am working seven days a week. Two, three jobs seven days a week.
Speaker 1:Imagine what it does to you.
Speaker 2:We're taking care of your own kids, two little kids, toddlers, three, two and a half and three and a half. It was so much work. I was like a machine, kept going on and on and of course I was having arguments. I was blowing up, kept going on and on and of course I was having arguments. I was blowing up my first ex-husband. I know he never physically touched me, but the other abuse was all their financial, mental, emotional, the control.
Speaker 1:I mean being locked in the room. You come home, you're done working, you clean the whole house, take care of the kids, put them to to sleep time. To lock yourself in your room, like get in your room. I mean it's insanity.
Speaker 2:But then the guy that you were renting the room to upstairs came in like love bombing, like what we call love bomber ladies.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the night and shining armor. Oh, oh, my God, I see how horrible he treats you. He took away your keys in your car. Let me drive you to work. You don't have enough lunch money. Here's, you know, here's a hundred bucks for you. He started with twenty bucks but yeah. Yeah right, I can only imagine I could play his tune right now. I didn't even know he gave you lunch money, but I knew.
Speaker 2:You know where it is and how it is.
Speaker 1:So he came in like this and you were like wow.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh wow, he's white, he's American, he's such a nice guy, those eyes, oh Right.
Speaker 1:And he's treating me. He's not locking me in my room at the end of the night. No, yeah, taking the garbage out, playing with the kids in the yard, like all the right things, all the things your husband wasn't doing Wasn't doing, yes, and my husband a couple of times.
Speaker 2:He noticed and he was like I don't want the kids playing with him, I don't want you talking to him. He kind of was very upset when he saw me and him talking. Some one of the days I was hanging clothes or something. We had a dryer but I wasn't allowed to use the dryer. No it it. It wastes electricity. Go hang the clothes on the lines up.
Speaker 1:Oh my god let me tell you something. God bless you, because let me tell you something, this, this guy, I would have been like you're out of your fucking mind. You go hang the clothes outside. This guy probably would have ended up beating me up because my mouth would have gotten me in a lot of trouble. All right, so all right. Not allowed to use the dryer.
Speaker 1:As he lays on the couch and you work three jobs. Yeah, unreal, unreal. The audacity, yeah, absolutely the audacity. Okay, so the safe. So this guy comes in. He comes flying through, treating you love, bombing you to death. Oh my god, was he ever like you got to get out of this yes, he was couple of the arguments.
Speaker 2:He came down banging on the door. He's like he called me like samia, do you want me to call the cops? This is not okay. What he is doing like I'm like oh wow, wow, he cares about me, right.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what it makes sense, though, and you know what I always like to bring this back. You had no family. Your mother passed away when you were younger. So, you know, like, as our girls get older, I think we tend to watch out for this, or, especially if we've been through certain things, I always lightly try to steer my daughter, you know, even if it's with a girlfriend.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know what A snake is always a snake. You know what I mean. Like you know, a girlfriend oh, you know what A snake is always a snake. You know what I mean. Like you know, a girlfriend that always doesn't have your back isn't going to ever have your back. So I think we tried it, and I don't think you had that as a young girl, you know, because your mom had passed away young, and then here you had nobody to guide you really or explain to you blame to you, and then what he did to you had to be so traumatic. You know your self-esteem and you. You had no therapy or help, so it's almost like you went from one to the other and not capable of seeing the red flags yeah so okay, so the so what was the last straw?
Speaker 1:where you got rid of the first husband, the one you arranged to, and now went to this guy that was renting.
Speaker 2:So my first husband I had. With the help of the social worker, I was able to go get an order of protection because she was like this is not okay. He started calling my job and my boss was like this can't be happening. This is called stalking. Why is he calling me to complain about you? Right, it was like I was shocked Like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:You're gonna get me fired, I know, and she was nice, like I'm very blessed. Every supervisor I've worked with I'm very flexible, organized, like I know my job, what I'm doing, and I've never had any complaints, thank God, yes, I criticize me, help me, support me, I will learn. I'm a fast learner. I can do anything you want me to, just let me know how to do it Right. So I didn't have an issue. She's like I can call the cops and I can do that, or you figure it out. It's your house stuff. It shouldn't be carrying to the job, right?
Speaker 2:this is talking all this right, it doesn't go on here yes, so I did go to the court nasa county at that time I did get the order of protection going to the court and doing all that stuff paperwork.
Speaker 1:I know it's exhausting. It's exhausting.
Speaker 2:I did that with my ex it's exhausting, exhausting and I feel like for some reason, they still look at you like I'm the victim here. They still look at you like I'm the victim here. They still look at you like you sure you want to do this, like I don't know. I just didn't like the looks, the way the lawyers, the free lawyers that you get, talk to you. I wouldn't say an aim or anything, but I'm just saying I felt like it's kind of like how do you say it? Like there is some. If you have a woman lawyer, it's different. Oh yeah, the prejudice.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I still remember a couple of the comments. I don't want to say it or anything. When I was going to court because of the second ex-husband, the lawyer was very mean. And it was like oh so now you have the second one and now you're having troubles with the second one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like what's wrong with you? Right, exactly. You don't know the whole story. Just move on and fill up the paperwork.
Speaker 2:No, it is. Court's never a good place to end up. You waste your whole day there. It just takes so long it does. The court system is here too, especially family law.
Speaker 1:Yes, A lot of women go through that, with divorce, with child custody, with support, all of that no, it's a horrible. It really needs to be redone. But so you got away from him and then you fell into the arms of the new guy. Yes, right.
Speaker 2:Because he was going to help you.
Speaker 1:He was going to support you, he was going to help you. Yeah, he was going to support you.
Speaker 2:He was going to help you. He was for a while a couple of months in the beginning because my ex-husband he took both the cars. As soon as I got the order of protection, I wake up next morning there's nothing in the refrigerator for the kids. I opened the door. Both the cars are gone. Now I'm like it's not like we weren't on the main road. I can just walk somewhere. I need a vehicle even to get to the bus stop. It's not Right.
Speaker 2:You need to drive and he knew that I have two kids at home, but because? No, he did not.
Speaker 1:And I'm sure he took all the money in the bank accounts too. I knew that one was coming Right, so now you're sitting there and you're like oh my God, I know I can't get to work. I'm in this house, I have to pay the bills, it's in my name and I have no car. No way of getting to work. Let's go call Prince Edward upstairs.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's what I do, right? Hi guys, this is the end of part one. Please join us next week for part two. It is just as emotional and just as amazing, and you will hear how she prevails. This was Emotional Abuse and next week will be the physical, so join us.
