Dating Daycare
Welcome to "Dating Daycare," the ultimate safe space for women navigating the unpredictable world of modern dating. Join hosts Melissa Firpo and Allison Waterman as they dish out candid advice, share hilarious anecdotes, and tackle the toughest dating dilemmas faced by women today.
In a dating landscape filled with frogs disguised as princes and a jungle of jerks, Melissa and Allison offer a nurturing haven where women can laugh, learn, and empower each other to find love on their own terms. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, from disastrous first dates to navigating online profiles, "Dating Daycare" covers it all with wit, wisdom, and plenty of wine.
With Melissa's no-nonsense approach and Allison's comedic charm, each episode feels like a heart-to-heart chat with your best girlfriends over brunch. Whether you're swiping left or swiping right, "Dating Daycare" is your go-to guide for surviving and thriving in the wild world of modern romance.
So grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and join Melissa and Allison as they navigate the highs, lows, and hilarities of dating life. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, everyone could use a little TLC from "Dating Daycare.
Dating Daycare
FISH BOWL: LOVE BOMBING EXPOSED!
What if the person showering you with love and future promises suddenly disappears? Join us as we uncover the unsettling experience of love bombing through an anonymous listener's tale. We'll guide you through identifying the red flags in early-stage relationships, like excessive contact and premature future talk, to help you maintain your independence and a healthy pace. Learn why it's crucial to take your time truly understanding someone through shared experiences, both joyous and challenging, before getting swept away by grand declarations.
In a world where personal safety often feels compromised, we highlight the importance of setting communication boundaries and prioritizing safety when navigating new relationships. Discover why meeting new dates in public places and refraining from sharing too much too soon can protect your well-being. We'll also revisit the concept of love bombing, where initial perfection might be a facade, and emphasize the value of realistic expectations and measured communication. Tune in for practical advice on fostering authentic and sustainable connections without losing yourself in the process.
Join our private Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/771136888074777
Follow Melissa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/missjayl/
Follow Melissa on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@healthychef1
Follow Allison on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paperdolllface/
Welcome to Dating Daycare, where we help you navigate through the jungle of jerks Another day, another episode, Allison.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is our favorite. We love this, don't we?
Speaker 1:Ah, we have the fishbowl. So those of you that do not know, you're probably sick of hearing me explain it, but I'm gonna do it again. So with our fishbowl we have real questions, real concerns, real problems, real issues from real women that I get off of different social media groups. I print them out anonymously and we put them into our fishbowl to try and help you, because we figure, if you're asking strangers on the internet, you might as well ask us. So here we go. I'm going to pick. This time I am going to reach deep. I hope I get a good one. Allison's looking if it's a long one.
Speaker 2:She hates the long one. Oh no, it's a short one, okay good.
Speaker 1:All right, let's see. Was talking to seeing somebody for a month who literally saw me every day, spoke to me every day, spoke all about the things we were going to do in the future, and then did a complete 180 and disappeared, pretended to really like me, just to leave. I'm having a really hard time getting over it. I know it sounds ridiculous, only being a month long. Any advice this is a perfect love bomb.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, happens all the time. Anonymous viewer, so don't think you're ridiculous. We love all questions and that's why I print all of these out and put them in because she's hurt.
Speaker 2:I mean, we've all been there, but I hope we've learned. You know what? I haven't been there.
Speaker 1:No, this is one scenario I haven't been in, but you know why? Only because I don't know whether that's type A or type B. I'm bad with that stuff when someone comes on too strong too soon. I've always seen that as a red flag, Like it's always made me uncomfortable because it's not natural for me. And since it was never natural for me, I pushed it away, so this never happened to me.
Speaker 2:When I was young. But yeah, that's generally. It's not healthy to be talking to someone every single day in the early day and just like hours on end seeing every day too. Is that what she said?
Speaker 1:Yeah, talking and seeing someone for a month, who literally saw me every day, spoke to me every day and spoke about the things they were going to do in the future.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just don't think there's much to say here other than you just have to maintain your independence. You just have to maintain your independence If you want this to go anywhere. You have the best chance of it going somewhere just doing what you normally do and then meeting and getting together speaking. But you can't be intermingled to this degree so early on. It's just not. It's a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 1:Okay, but I also think that there are a lot of red flags here. I think that seeing somebody every day and talking to somebody every day and talking about the future within a month, those are three red flags right there. So, ladies, this is what we call love bombing. Okay, it may happen in a month, it may happen in two months, it may happen in three months, but the red flags are when you first start dating somebody. You should be talking to them, I don't know, twice a week. Little text here and there how was your day? What are are you doing? Are we still on for friday night date?
Speaker 1:You should be having a date once a week, especially if there are no kids involved. If you are single, not married, and have no children, you should be going on a date once a week for the first month. Yeah, then, once you get and then talking, you go on a date on Friday, maybe texting. I got home safe Friday night. A little text good night, thank you for the date. Maybe on Sunday how was your weekend? Maybe then on Wednesday he's contacting you, planning another date for Saturday. So that's how that should be going. Any more than that is excessive.
Speaker 2:It's not healthy. People are afraid, I feel especially women are afraid, if they don't have this daily interaction with a man, that they're going to lose them. They're going to be finding another woman. It's just not healthy behavior and it's not conducive to setting up a relationship that's going to be lasting.
Speaker 1:Yes. Also, ladies, if the man is talking in the first three months about any type of future, with you red flag, huge red flag, you do not know a person. I'm gonna say six months to a year At least, six at least, to really know how are they when they have a good day, how are they when they have a bad day, how are they when they have a catastrophic event happen, because you know what that's the importance of a man and how he to me at least-.
Speaker 2:Steps up during a time of difficulty.
Speaker 1:Yes, people deal with difficulty all different ways. Do they have depression? Are they on medication? Do they run away?
Speaker 2:Do they?
Speaker 1:rage. Do they run away and stick their head in the sand? What do they do? Do they self-sabotage? There's a million different ways to deal through life and you are never going to know that for at least a year, so you should not be making any crazy plans for at least a year of knowing somebody. I also think it's.
Speaker 2:I've found that it's common and I don't think it's abnormal for guys to kind of future talk but you just let it go in one ear, out the other. Don't take it seriously. The amount of trips that I've been, guys have talked to me about going on that I've never been on. I mean, I think it's from what I understand, from a psychological viewpoint it's not abnormal. But don't put any credence to it.
Speaker 1:And I would say that it's not abnormal. But I feel it's not abnormal because us the women sit there and listen to it and let it go in one ear and out the other, or they actually believe it and take it seriously.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something If I meet a guy and within the first month he's you know, I don't have a problem with what's your favorite vacation that you went on. Where would you love to go again If you could travel? Those are all normal questions and I have answers for all of them. But when you're sitting across from me within the first month of knowing you and you say you know what One of your favorite places was Italy. You know what One of your favorite places was Italy. I'm going to take you to Italy next month. Or for your birthday next year, I'm going to take you to Italy.
Speaker 1:I turn around to the man and I say no, you're not Like. No, you're not Like. First of all, I don't even know who you are. If you're a mass murderer and I'm going to go away with you to where somebody can never find me again, like if you and I call it out, I call it out because I can't handle the stupidity. So, ladies, if you're confused of whether it's appropriate or not, you need to think about your safety and think to yourself. And that goes with anything, even a first date. If a guy is like I'll come pick you up, I say no, you're not. I live in a house with two kids and even if I didn't have kids and lived in that house alone no, you're not. I don't know if you're a psychopath. I don't know if you're a mass murderer, a rapist or just somebody that's going to stalk me for the rest of my life. I am not going to casually show you where to do that, my home, and how to get there. It's not going to happen. Same on the flip side, ladies.
Speaker 1:Here's another good pin of advice when a man says to you, when you first go on a date with a man, and he says to you what's your perfect man If you could? Weird science if you're older and you're my age and you know the movie Weird Science it's for all of you youngins out there. It is a movie where they literally ripped out pictures of girls in magazines, fed them through the computer and then the girl appeared in their closet. I believe it was. So if a guy ever says to me, what's your perfect? What would be your perfect guy if you could create one, I don't answer that fucking question to give you all the love, bombing and crazy scenarios so that you could copy them and not be yourself. And then, six months later, find out.
Speaker 1:This is when you ladies write into us and say but he was the perfect guy for the first six months and then he just completely changed in dinner 180. I don't understand how or why. Well, that's because he asked you a question like this. He got all the answers, was able to keep it up for six months and then turned into who he really was before you gave it all away. So don't be sitting there, lady, saying, oh my God, he'd take me out to dinner every weekend and he'd be creative and send me outfits Like I could weird science you in any minute. But I'm gonna tell Allison, I'm not gonna tell the nude guy that wants to take me out on a date. So just remember your safety comes first. Is this safe, would I feel? Is this normal?
Speaker 2:No, if the answer's no, then it's a love bombing situation or they just could be doing what they think is a gentlemanly act by offering to pick you up, which I normally would appreciate down the road, and I would just say thank you, I would say you know, that's really sweet, thank you, that's very gentlemanly, that's something that I'd like down the road and I would just say thank him.
Speaker 2:I would say you know, that's really sweet, thank you, that's very gentlemanly. That's something that I'd like in the future. I'd feel more comfortable for a first date just meeting there.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely. And then, just to get to the end of this, she said. Then, after the month of love, bombing and talking every day and seeing every day, he did a complete 180 on me and ghosted me and I never heard from him again. You know why? Because he found something he didn't like, obviously, and was either turned off by it, wasn't for him, didn't like it. But now it seemed harsh and ridiculous because you were hanging out so much, seeing and talking to him, he couldn't possibly get to know you in a month.
Speaker 1:But since you were so hot and heavy and did all these things, when the thing came up that he didn't like or wasn't for him, he said oh shit, how am I getting out of this now? I slept with her 30 times. I saw her 30 times because a month has 30 days. I talked to her 28 out of the 30 days. She's attached to me and texting me every day and expecting to see me today, but this just turned me off and she's not for me. Now what do I do? How do I tell her? This is going to seem crazy and they ghost because they're in an awkward predicament now and that's why anonymous person that he ghosted and it seems very drastic and hurtful because you think in a month's time this guy loved absolutely everything about you.
Speaker 2:He just loved the fantasy of you, correct? And when reality came knocking on the door. He didn't like her so much.
Speaker 1:Correct. Correct and not saying that she did anything wrong. That's normal to act the way you're going to act and say the things you're going to say, and new stuff come up Month three, month, four month, five month, six up. That's why I say six months to a year. So slow it down. Okay, ladies, slow it down. All right, put the stopper on One time a week, at least for the first month. Then when you get past that, you contact us and we'll tell you where to go from there if you're unsure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no multiple dates a week and no like text if you're texting with a new guy the way you text with your girlfriends just now no no texting all day, no need no, and you know what, if he is going to text you every day, shouldn't be every day, because you should be too busy for that, but these should be lighthearted texts. Yeah, how was your hope? You're having a great week. See you Friday.
Speaker 2:Or send a meme or something and just be like, hey, busy, I'll see you Friday when we meet Saturday. You definitely should be hearing from them by.
Speaker 1:Wednesday. Okay, to confirm the date. That's not acceptable. Now, the opposite of what we just discussed is not acceptable either. You don't make the date for Friday and contact you Thursday night or Friday morning or afternoon for Friday night Date is canceled. Sorry, I didn't hear from you. I made other plans. I didn't hear from you, I didn't know what was going on and it's not your job. There's another thing I hear a lot to contact him to confirm the date.
Speaker 2:He is the man I don't like to be the social secretary secretary no, I know some people say, oh, there's nothing wrong with me. The most I would do, would maybe be like hey, looking forward to seeing you later he should be doing I know, I don't even. That's not my favorite thing to do, but a lot of. There are a lot of peep dating coaches out there who say, like it's, there's nothing wrong with the woman reaching out to confirm. I don't, really not for the first, second, third to confirm?
Speaker 1:I don't, really Not for the first, second, third and fourth date. I don't believe for the first month after you get into it and you're like going somewhere, maybe for the weekend or whatever, to say, hey, we're still on for that. If you weren't sure, if you had work something come up or there was a discrepancy in the plans, then All right. After the first month of dating, he should be making the date, planning the date, confirming the date and meeting you on the date and paying for the date.
Speaker 2:No, I agree, but what? One thing that I found that I've done that has helped me a bit is to set the expectation, or just let him know that I like a confirmation prior to the date and that kind of.
Speaker 1:See, but you know what? See, I'm hard ladies. Ooh, am I hard.
Speaker 2:That annoys me, it does annoy me too, Because at our age if he can't do it on his own.
Speaker 1:Confirm a date. I confirm everything. I confirm our podcast tapings with our producer. I confirm when I get a babysitter. Are you coming tomorrow at 10? I confirm work engagements. I confirmed our guest Brenda a week prior and then two days prior. I confirm everything pretty much in my life. If he can't confirm a date that he's supposed to be excited about, I can't imagine what the rest of his professional life looks like.
Speaker 1:And I don't want to know and I don't want to know that if they don't confirm, they don't get the date with me and I move on to the next guy. That's like the first test, and if we make it past past that, then we go to the next one. I never do that I never do that because I feel like if they can't, we got a problem, houston, we have a problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just yeah, stop doing that yeah, okay, stop doing it and see.
Speaker 1:I bet you'll alleviate a lot of dick in the wings. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:I really don't. I only did that a few times because I felt I was being too harsh.
Speaker 1:And what happened? Wait, I want to know what happened. Was their follow through atrocious?
Speaker 2:No, it was fine, but they did not wind up being it. But you know Right, so you could alleviate all that stress.
Speaker 1:Anywho. All right, ladies. So that was our fishbowl episode of the week. We hope you enjoyed it. We try to reach out and get you know every little aspect of a fishbowl question and we branch off. If you have any questions or concerns, please PM, dm, write us, get in touch with us and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening. Thank you Bye.
