Dating Daycare
Welcome to "Dating Daycare," the ultimate safe space for women navigating the unpredictable world of modern dating. Join hosts Melissa Firpo and Allison Waterman as they dish out candid advice, share hilarious anecdotes, and tackle the toughest dating dilemmas faced by women today.
In a dating landscape filled with frogs disguised as princes and a jungle of jerks, Melissa and Allison offer a nurturing haven where women can laugh, learn, and empower each other to find love on their own terms. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, from disastrous first dates to navigating online profiles, "Dating Daycare" covers it all with wit, wisdom, and plenty of wine.
With Melissa's no-nonsense approach and Allison's comedic charm, each episode feels like a heart-to-heart chat with your best girlfriends over brunch. Whether you're swiping left or swiping right, "Dating Daycare" is your go-to guide for surviving and thriving in the wild world of modern romance.
So grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and join Melissa and Allison as they navigate the highs, lows, and hilarities of dating life. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, everyone could use a little TLC from "Dating Daycare.
Dating Daycare
Dating a Hermit: When His Trauma Becomes Your Problem
How do you know when someone's emotional baggage is too heavy to carry? In this raw and honest fishbowl episode, I tackle a listener question about dating a detective who's seen the darkest sides of humanity and struggles with severe self-esteem issues. After reading her story about a man who isolates himself, has been repeatedly cheated on, and whose mother is already calling her to "cheer him up," I break down why this relationship dynamic is fundamentally unbalanced.
The most revealing moment comes when I discuss what I call the "Bob the Builder Syndrome" - that dangerous tendency to believe we can fix damaged partners through patience and love. I explain why relationships should start from a position of mutual emotional stability rather than one person constantly working to elevate the other. "Why do you want to start at the bottom of the ladder and slowly be patient and work your way up?" becomes the central question that every listener should consider in their own dating lives.
What makes this discussion particularly valuable is the clear-eyed assessment of where to invest your emotional energy. While there's compassion for the detective's trauma, I emphasize that professionals exist to help with those issues - not potential romantic partners. Whether you're currently in a relationship with someone who needs "fixing" or you're afraid you might be repeating patterns of choosing damaged partners, this episode provides the tough love reminder that you deserve to start on equal footing with someone who brings their whole, healthy self to the table.
Have you ever found yourself trying to "fix" someone you're dating? Take a moment to reflect on where that impulse comes from and whether it's serving your happiness in the long run. Share your thoughts or experiences, and remember to subscribe for more unfiltered dating advice that cuts through the nonsense.
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Welcome to Dating Daycare, where we help you navigate the jungle of jerks. Ladies and gentlemen, it is your lucky day because I am solo today doing a fishbowl episode. For those of you that don't know, fishbowls are great, so welcome. Welcome For those of you that are joining us, welcome back. You had me all to yourself today. So, fishbowl. What we do is I print out lots of questions from women and men from social media. They are anonymous. I pick one out of the bowl, I read it and we help you with your dating problems and woes and questions. So let's get started. Pick the one on top, let's see what we got today. It's a long one, so bear with me. All, right, so I'm going to break it down as I read it, because that's how I like to do it. Normally, I have Allison is here and we go back and forth, but today, since it's just me, I'm going to read and we'll break down as we go and help this person. So this is off Bad Mom's Group.
Speaker 1:I've been casually seeing a detective. Okay, he sees some of the worst things imaginable. Okay, that right there he's going to have trauma. But let me read on. I don't know. But let me read on. He has zero self esteem. Here we go. Okay, he has zero self esteem, been cheated on most of his relationships. Hmm, I wonder why.
Speaker 1:He came with very good references from mutual friends. Alright, so she's dating a detective. Obviously he sees murders and some of the worst imaginable things. He's got no self-esteem. He's been cheating on most of his life in his relationships. But friends of hers said he's a great guy. Give him a chance. See, you know what that's tricky right there. Because you know what, when your friends introduce you to their friends that they only know as friends, people are different when you date them versus when you're friends with them. You know a great friend could be a shitty husband. So I don't know. And a detective, I don't know. For all you cops out there, you have to hop on my live. When we do live, I always feel like a cop is a bad choice. For any women that are out there that are married to cops or dating a cop, I don't know. I always hear horror stories. I never dated a cop because of that.
Speaker 1:But let's go on, okay, but he lets his work get to him mentally. Well, how could he not? And I can tell he's been trying to push me away. Some days he goes completely MIA. We live on the same road and I pass his house daily and he's always home when he says he is. He just likes to be a hermit quote unquote, as he says and deal with his stuff on his own. He swears he likes me and wants to start something. But I just need to be patient with him. I actually know his parents and his mom called me earlier today, concerned that he spends too much time alone and asked me if I could cheer him up. I can only try so much. Does it get better? All right, let's break this down. This is a good one. Okay, so we already broke down that.
Speaker 1:He's a detective. He has zero self-esteem but he comes highly recommended by family and friends. She said he goes to work and lets it get to him mentally. You have to be a really specific type of person, which I don't know. We should have our therapist on to tell us which type of person that is to be able to go to war or go see murders and the worst case scenarios, you know, child rape and all these horrible things of the world, and not have it get to you mentally right. So obviously he's not that top 1%. I would imagine that's a top 1%-er that can go and do this daily and just carry on with and leave it at work and not take it home with you.
Speaker 1:So he's not one of those people and he's a hermit. He's obviously a hermit because he's suffering from PTSD or you know, I'm not going to label it, but he's obviously suffering from the job and what he's suffering from PTSD or you know, I'm not going to label it, but he's obviously suffering from the job and what he's seen. Otherwise, why are you a hermit? And he swears he wants to start something. But I need to be patient with them.
Speaker 1:See now whether this person I don't know their age is writing and whether she's young or old. Why do you need to be patient? You're out there. I don't know anything about you, but it seems like you have your head on straight. You have your shit together. But it seems like you have your head on straight. You have your shit together. Why do you have to be patient for this man that has zero self-esteem? He's been cheated on for reasons. If somebody is consistently cheated on throughout their relationship, they're the problem. It's like that tic-tac Hi, it's me, I'm the problem, it's me. And she knows his parents. That's messy. I would bow out gracefully now, because now the mom already is calling you and asking you if you could cheer him up. If you can't cheer him up now, is the parents not going to talk to you anymore? The parent's not going to talk to you anymore. You know, there seems like there's a lot in this and I don't see why you have to deal with it all.
Speaker 1:When you first get into a relationship with somebody, it's supposed to be the best it could be right. You meet somebody, you get along oh great. You know their family, they came highly recommended by friends, they have a great job, they're a happy person, you know they have good self-value, good morals, good ethics. And then you're supposed to go from there. You went on a few great dates, you get along and everything seems to mesh. And then you move higher and higher up the ladder. Let's say You're starting here at the bottom the ladder. Let's say you're starting here at the bottom. So why do you want to start at the bottom and then slowly be patient and work your way up?
Speaker 1:Quite frankly, I don't think it's worth your time and it's not your job to cheer him up and change him from being a hermit, which I'm sure he's been for years. You're not a therapist, so that's my advice Bow out, gracefully, still be friends with him and his family and go, look for a man that is starting on the same playing field as you. This man doesn't seem like he's starting on the same playing field as you. He seems below and you have to be Bob the Builder and work him up to where you are, and that's just never worth anyone's time, especially when you're not married with kids. If you were married to this man with children, I tell you well, maybe therapy, you know, have patience, because you have something invested. You have nothing invested here, so walk away. Not a good choice. I hope that was helpful and I hope you enjoyed our fishbowl. We will be back and with another topic, so I will see you soon.
