Dating Daycare
Welcome to "Dating Daycare," the ultimate safe space for women navigating the unpredictable world of modern dating. Join hosts Melissa Firpo and Allison Waterman as they dish out candid advice, share hilarious anecdotes, and tackle the toughest dating dilemmas faced by women today.
In a dating landscape filled with frogs disguised as princes and a jungle of jerks, Melissa and Allison offer a nurturing haven where women can laugh, learn, and empower each other to find love on their own terms. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, from disastrous first dates to navigating online profiles, "Dating Daycare" covers it all with wit, wisdom, and plenty of wine.
With Melissa's no-nonsense approach and Allison's comedic charm, each episode feels like a heart-to-heart chat with your best girlfriends over brunch. Whether you're swiping left or swiping right, "Dating Daycare" is your go-to guide for surviving and thriving in the wild world of modern romance.
So grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and join Melissa and Allison as they navigate the highs, lows, and hilarities of dating life. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, everyone could use a little TLC from "Dating Daycare.
Dating Daycare
Boundaries, Exes, and the Courage to Walk Away
Ever feel like you're dating a toddler instead of an adult? That's why we created Dating Daycare—to help you navigate through the jungle of jerks who simply refuse to grow up.
This week, I'm diving solo into a fishbowl question that will have you nodding in recognition or thanking your lucky stars. A listener shares her five-year nightmare with a partner who maintains suspiciously close ties with his ex, sneaks away on trips with a married woman in Florida, and hides her existence on social media—all while she wonders if she should be warning these other women about him.
Let me be clear: boundaries aren't suggestions—they're requirements. Unless children are involved, there's rarely a legitimate reason to stay in touch with an ex. And those red flags you spotted six months in? They only get worse, never better. Living in constant fight-or-flight mode, wondering where he is, who he's with, and when he'll call isn't romance—it's emotional torture.
The hard truth many resist? You cannot make someone meet your needs if they're unwilling or incapable. No amount of trying harder, looking better, or giving more will transform a dismissive avoidant into an attentive partner. As I explain, "The lion is the lion"—people show you who they are, and it's up to you to either accept it or walk away.
Basic relationship necessities like consistent communication, quality time, respect, and feeling prioritized aren't "too much" to ask for. They're the foundation of healthy connections. This summer, make "boundaries" your mantra and remember: your needs are valid, and the right partner will meet them naturally, not grudgingly.
Ready to stop settling for crumbs when you deserve the whole bakery? Follow us on social media, send us your questions, and join us next time as we continue helping adults navigate the childish behavior that plagues modern dating.
Join our private Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/771136888074777
Follow Melissa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/missjayl/
Follow Melissa on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@healthychef1
Follow Allison on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paperdolllface/
Welcome to Dating Daycare, where we help you navigate through the jungle of jerks, and today we have a great episode for you. We have a fishbowl. I keep seeing we my co-host isn't here today, allison, so it's more like I. I have a great episode for you today. I'm on my own and we are live on TikTok, so if you are just joining us, please follow us. We help you navigate through the jungle of jerks, which is so important during the summer. Right, everybody's outside with Cardi B's new song, which I love her. I love some of her songs, others I don't like, but anyway. So today we are doing a fishbowl. If you're not familiar, we have a fishbowl full of questions that I print out from real people with real questions from social media. I read it and I help you answer the question. Hopefully there are questions you relate to or that you're going through. You could always write us on Dating Daycare Podcast. We would be more than happy to answer any of your dating questions. Also, we always go on TikTok Live while we're in studio. That way, you could join Healthy Chef. One is my TikTok and you can chat with me live on that also. Okay, let's see what we got today. Okay, I'm going to read it and then I'm going to help this person answer it.
Speaker 1:My man really takes the cake. You, lady, are you ladies ready for this? Please tell me what you think I should do. We have been together for almost five years. Throughout the relationship he has kept in touch with his ex and remained close to her. I was okay with it, because I too have an ex I need to remain in contact with. But now it seems like they are hanging out and doing couple things. Meanwhile he is talking to some married woman in Florida and sneaking away on trips to go see her without me knowing, also talking it up with others that he has been caught with. He is a narcissist. I'm honestly done being made a fool of. But how should I handle all of this? Do I contact these chicks and let them know I exist because he hides me on social media? I can't with the shit I put up with, okay. So, first and foremost, I'm glad that you recognize that you're putting up with shit. That's you know. First, the first thing I think we all have to do is realize that we're unhappy and realize that we're putting up with a whole bunch of bullshit. Okay, you're with this guy for five years. I have to believe that there were tons, tons of red flags before this five-year mark. I'm going to say after six months everybody shows the red flags that are only going to get worse. They are not going to get better if there are any red flags right.
Speaker 1:So throughout this relationship it says he kept in touch with his ex. That is, unless the man has children with the ex, there is absolutely no reason for him to keep in touch with them. Now listen, I know this is very broad when I say keep in touch. So I'm going to go down the rabbit hole because I know I'm going to get people that say oh, ton of my ex-boyfriends. They are friends on Facebook. Do I go out and see them? No. Do I meet them out for dinner? No. Do I message them all the time or call them on the telephone? No, them all the time. Or call them on the telephone? No. Once in a blue moon will they comment on a post and say hi, how are you doing? Absolutely, and I'll say great, how are you and your kids and your wife? And it's done. That is very different from a man that is keeping touch with an ex that has no children, no tie, but they're just really their best friends with them.
Speaker 1:Now, absolute red flag. Don't do it. It's a bunch of bullshit. Now, let's go on.
Speaker 1:Now. It says that she didn't mind this because she too has an ex that I need to remain in contact with. Now, if you're saying you need to remain in contact with him because he's your kid's dad, then I agree with that. There is no other reason why you need to keep in touch with an ex. When I'm done with you, I delete your phone number out of my phone. That's how, like Now, this guy's cheating. He's a narcissist. He's going away with women and sneaking around on vacation with them. Listen to me, listen to me. You need. We just discussed this. This is going to come up in almost every fishbowl until all of you listen and I make you sick of me. Okay, sick of me, you're going to be.
Speaker 1:Boundaries, ladies and gentlemen. Boundaries, ladies and gentlemen, boundaries. Forget about the respectful boundaries, such as constant communication, not disappearing, not going on vacation with anybody except you. If you're the girlfriend Now, if you're casually dating, you have no right to any of these claims, pretty much. But if you're headed to exclusivity or the man wants to be exclusive with you. These are basic necessities in relationships that keep them healthy, happy and secure Constant communication, seeing the person and spending quality time together. Respect, it's not that difficult. He's giving you none of it. It's time to leave Now. How do you leave? You turn around.
Speaker 1:You don't need to contact, listen, you're not. You know the soothsaver coming to you know, coming to protect all these other women that the man that's treating you bad, to save them from the horror show. This is not your job. Right, I know it may give you some closure and it may make you feel better. You don't need to contact all these women. I always say when my ex finds a new girlfriend, god bless her. I'm not contacting her and telling them how bad he treated me and what kind of bullshit he pulls on. Let her find out. God bless her. Let her waste the years like I had to waste the years I've lived, I've learned, and the minute I see those things come up in the next human, I run for the hills. Right, you don't repeat the same mistakes twice. You don't need to do anything.
Speaker 1:You need to turn to this man. You need to turn around and say listen to me, my needs are far from being met. This isn't working for me. I think it's best that we part ways and you need to delete his number, delete his social media and you need to give him back five years. You could be living with him, his shit's at your house. You need to give him back what he has. You need a clean cut and, like I said, best way to do it is so you can't call him, because then late at night or you're drinking or something, you're feeling lonely or you're like sad or you're missing them. You go to give them a call, delete it all and then you need to rebalance your nervous system.
Speaker 1:There is not one person that has been through what this girl is describing, who has a safe and secure and, you know, nice and what would you call it? Just relaxed nervous system. This has to have her on edge 24 hours a day. She has to be in like fight or flight constantly. You know, like that rumble in your stomach, that like hole in your chest, that like when is he going to call? What is he going to do? What is he going to say? Is he going away this weekend? Is he cheating on me? I mean, who can live like that? That is not a productive relationship. That's a bunch of bullshit.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you need to get out of it. You need to say my needs are far from being met. Not only are my needs not being met, but you don't even hold the qualities for a secure, easy, productive relationship and you need to get out. You need to go on to start over and you need to look for the next guy that's going to meet your needs. You're not going to make this guy meet your needs. I say that all the time too. You are not going to make a guy call you. You are not going to make a guy become more responsible with communication. Sex is not going to.
Speaker 1:You know, I'll be blatant here, but a lot of women also say to themselves oh my God, if I just you know looked better in bed, or if I looked better naked, or if my hair was longer, because he likes long hair, if I sucked his dick better, or if I, then he would. And it's a bunch of bullshit. No, we won't. No, we won't, because if he wanted to, he would from the beginning. And I you know what I hate the saying if he wanted to, he would. If he was capable of, he would.
Speaker 1:If you take some of those attachment style men. I forget which one it is. This is Allison's forte, not mine, but we have a episode on it, so please go back and look at it. It goes through all of them. I think it's like the avoidant, dismissive avoidant, something like that. You take a man that's a dismissive avoidant. You're never changing that without therapy. You could suck his dick all night long and you know, look like me naked. I look pretty damn good naked, and that's not going to make that change the man at all. Ever, ever. So the lion is the lion.
Speaker 1:Ladies, let them show you what they're capable of, and then you either deal with it or walk away. That is my answer today. Remember, for the summer, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, and don't let anybody tell you you're being mean, you're being too much, you're being too needy, you're this, you're that. Your needs are your needs, and there is a man out there that will be more than happy to meet your needs, believe me, as long as they're not insanely crazy. Constant communication, make me feel loved, make time for me, plan great dates, spend time with me, make me feel a priority, make me feel special these are all basics of a healthy relationship, both ways from you to them and from them to you, and if you're just giving it to them and they're not giving it to you, you need to walk away. Let the next woman fight that war. You don't need to fight that war. That's supposed to come naturally. That's it. So hopefully this was helpful and we will see you next time.
Speaker 1:If you have any questions, please write us. On Dating Daycare. We have a Facebook, we have a podcast website. We I have my tiktok healthy shelf one, so you're welcome to write in your questions. We want to hear them. For the summer, we want to know what is going out there. What is going on? What's going on out there? What are you guys doing? What's what are the dick of the weeks? I would love for somebody else to have a dick of the week besides me. Come on, help me out. All right, we will see you soon and thank you for joining us on Dating Daycare. Bye-bye.
