Dating Daycare

Kid-Free Love: When Dating a Parent Challenges Your Boundaries

Allison and Melissa Season 2 Episode 10

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Ever drawn a firm line in your dating life only to erase it for someone "special"? This episode dives deep into the heart-wrenching dilemma of a woman who always knew she didn't want children in her life – until she fell head over heels for a devoted father of two.

We explore the raw reality of what happens when we compromise on our core dating boundaries. Our listener shared how despite rejecting this man multiple times and clearly communicating her child-free preference, his persistence eventually won her over. Six months in, she's caught between weeks of peaceful adult time and chaotic weeks filled with school runs, sports practices, and all the responsibilities that come with children. Though she loves both the man and his kids, she's confronting the uncomfortable truth that this isn't the life she envisioned for herself.

Drawing from our personal experiences, we discuss why certain boundaries exist for good reason. I share my own seemingly hypocritical but necessary rule as a single mom – not dating men with children my kids' age or younger – while my co-host reveals her non-negotiable regarding separated-but-not-divorced men. We examine why these boundaries protect us from relationship dynamics we know we can't sustainably manage, regardless of how wonderful the person might be.

Should you sacrifice your vision of an ideal life for love? Can relationship compatibility overcome lifestyle incompatibility? Listen as we tackle these questions and remind you that honoring your authentic needs isn't selfish – it's essential for both your happiness and the well-being of any potential relationship. Subscribe now and join our community of daters navigating the complex world of modern relationships together!

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Speaker 2:

Welcome to Dating Daycare where we help you navigate through the jungle of jerks.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back.

Speaker 2:

Another fishbowl episode.

Speaker 1:

Another fishbowl we love our fishbowls and something a little different for the year. We are up live every time we're in production. Now we are going live on tiktok. So um, friend me at healthy chef one. I always have to look and every time we are taping we like to bring you along. It'll notify you and you could come on and we could banter together so you could ask us questions. We have it up on our big screen over here.

Speaker 2:

It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 1:

It's a lot of fun. We love it. So you could see what it's like to tape a podcast in a professional studio, right, Okay, so today we are doing Fishbowl Allison. Explain what the fishbowl is before you pick a question.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, we kind of scour the interwebs, we look on socials and find real scenarios, real questions from real women and try to help you work through these issues. Right All real questions from real women and we're going to answer it for you, ladies.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we're going to help you work through these issues. Right, all real questions from real women. And we're going to answer it for you, ladies. Okay, we're going to help you out please, no judgment.

Speaker 2:

Don't have children and don't plan on having any. I made this decision long ago. I met this wonderful man. I don't have enough words to explain how amazing he is. I rejected him several times and let him don't plan on raising. Let him know I don't plan on raising kids and prefer to date men with no kids. Okay, sound familiar, but she's making an exception, yeah he kept coming back and not sure how, but he won me over. This is something I've been really strict on.

Speaker 1:

Okay, wait, I just want to make a comment. You know how I like to like go as we read Pursuing. This is what we talked about in our last fishbowl. If a guy is interested, he keeps pursuing this guy put in effort, okay, yes, we like that and we've been dating now for six months.

Speaker 2:

He has 50-50 with his ex. We have the kids every other week. This is a lot. We have one week off from the kids and I can say it's wonderful. We sleep late, it's easier, there's peace, kids come back and it's 24-7 school pick up, sports. Trying to plan a vacation is impossible, etc. Expensive. Well, what did you think it was? Just looking at them being cute.

Speaker 1:

Well, wait a minute. No, she knew this, and that's why she didn't date men with kids. But you made the exception. Now you're lying in your grave, so to say.

Speaker 2:

Go on. I have a full time job and I'm very proud of my career and look forward to my time off. I love the kids. They are really wonderful and I feel terrible saying this. But even though I love this man, I can't picture my life doing this for years. This is not what I wanted. At the same time, right, I can't imagine myself without him. Now, do I walk away or do things get easier? Ask him to put them up for adoption, ask him to put them in an orphanage, because you know, if he loved you, he would. If he wanted to, he would.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, Allison's being sarcastic here.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, what do you think is?

Speaker 1:

going to happen. Well, listen, ladies, we talk about this all the time. Also, I always say this and I always bring the same example up.

Speaker 2:

I'll bring it up again with me with.

Speaker 1:

I am the pot calling the kettle black. I have a 10, soon to be 10 and 11 year old. I will not date a man with kids my age younger 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, until they are in college or older. And that is the pot calling the kettle black. But that is my line in the sand.

Speaker 2:

You just know what you're capable of doing. I don't care what people have to say about it.

Speaker 1:

And that's where I stand. And why do I stand there, allison? Because I don't want to be on a soccer field with your children. I don't want to be a stepmother to your children. I don't want to deal with your ex-wife, because you know what your ex-wife does not want me around your children. The same way, I don't want any woman that my ex really is dating raising and around my children. That is a maternal. Normally, 95% of women, if we're asked, would feel this way, so I don't even want to dip my toe in that pond.

Speaker 1:

She had a line in the sand. She followed it for years. She met a man that made her back away from her convictions and her beliefs and she thought that this man that she loved and couldn't get you know, maybe it was the perfect man for her would make her feelings change. Love would conquer all, and that's not the case. So now they're in a real relationship.

Speaker 1:

She's dealing and raising his kids every other weekend, only one weekend off. Yes, kids are a lot of work. As a single mother, I can attest to it. They are a lot of work All week long. I'm like an Uber driving to ice skating and this and ninja and that and yes, it's a lot of work and parents good parents are not going to give that up so that you have sleep, rest, relaxation and could go on a trip to Paris. Like good parents aren't going to do that. They're going to truck along with their kids because it's a commitment and that's what good parents do. So she needs to break up with him because that is not the lifestyle that she wanted and that's the lifestyle that he leads and once again, she has to stick to her convictions and go find a man whose kids are in college.

Speaker 2:

It's just. It reminds me of my. My hard no is dating a guy who is quote separated, who is not actually divorced on paper. I mean, I've met guys who are just, you know, lovely, and if I said you know what, I'm just going to forget about that.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to forget about him. He'll never get divorced, Ever. It would be I'd be in a really you know what.

Speaker 2:

I'm just going to forget about that. I'm going to forget about him. He'll never get divorced. Yeah, ever. It would be I'd be in a really bad situation. So you just have to hold strong to your boundaries.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, you have to hold strong Ladies. I always say this, if you like, this was, this was a hard line in the sand. She didn't want kids, which means she didn't want to be around children daily. I mean, listen, I'm a mother so I can say this. She didn't want the hustle and bustle of it all, but she met a man and she changed her mind because the man was so.

Speaker 1:

You can't be doing that when your line in the sand is something, you have to stick to that. And as great as a man, I meet lots of great men. I'm sure I mean, I wouldn't know, because I don't give them my number when they say they have young kids, but half of them had to be great men. You know if you're being positive, but I'll never know Because once again, I'm not changing my mind about being on a soccer field and dealing with your ex-wife oh, they had homework.

Speaker 1:

Let me, you know. Let me call Jennifer and deal with I'm not, I don't want to and I'm not, so I'll die alone. So you need to be okay with being alone and you need to find exactly what's right for you, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids and not wanting to deal with the hustle and bustle and wanting to be free. I mean, I have friends that don't have children or their kids are grown and married. And what a life they have. They're going to Europe. They're, you know, going to Pilates every day.

Speaker 2:

This wasn't for me either, you know yeah, they're going.

Speaker 1:

I mean, their lives are wonderful, all their money. They have great cars and houses and summer houses and things that would have been spent on college and cars and sweet 16s and possibly private school and camp, like my money spent on. So you just got to stick with your convictions, no matter what they are, and don't let them wean because you found somebody, that's great, unless you're willing to give them up. She wasn't willing to give it up. She tried. Most of the time when you try, it doesn't work, right, yeah, all right, and that is my two cents.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. Nothing else to say Nothing else to say. There's our fishbowl for you.

Speaker 1:

We hope you enjoyed it and we will be back again soon.

Speaker 2:

Dating daycare. Bye, bye.

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